not loved meaning for their partner.”
And in an effort to feel loved, the losing partner may elevate the battle by trying to manipulate the situation with whatever power that spouse can throw around, says John Honeycutt, happily married man, management consultant, and author.
For example, he says, a man might:
* Withhold affection or give it out only when he gets his way.
* Withhold information about finances, unless he gets his way.
* Withdraw from family type of events, unless there is something he gets in return.
* Not be honest and communicative, until his outcome is certain.
A woman might:
* Withhold sex, or participate only on conditions.
* Refrain from affirmation and possibly use put-downs, or give sparse affirmation when she’s achieved her way.
* Withhold domestic support, or provide it sparingly only as a barter-chip.
* Withdraw from any shared interests, or participate only for something in return.
* Withhold any admiration, with only a hope of this as a possibility on occasion.
Ouch, right? It all sounds really silly until you think about your own relationship and find yourself muttering those all-important four words: Been there, done that.
Here are some tips for getting over power struggles about:
Sex: Schedule it. That way the person with the higher drive isn’t always initiating and the person with the lower drive isn’t always saying no.
Stupid stuff: Just let it go. Plain and simple.
Everything else: Be clear about what you need and why you need it, in order to avoid mixed signals or miscommunication.
Alisa Bowman is the author of Project: Happily Ever After, which tells the real life story of how she went from the brink of divorce to falling back in love. It's available for pre-order on amazon.com. Visit her blog at http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com.