We occasionally fight and I get madder that I should; it’s during those times that I go to the death fantasy. Yet now, the fantasy is comforting in a different way. Now I have the eulogy, the reminder of all the reasons I love my husband.
Once I start reading it or adding additional lines to it, the anger fades, the love returns, and I welcome him back to the land of the living.
TODAY’S PROJECT POINTERS
• When you find yourself thinking your spouse dead, spend your energy on doing something about the problem—on the hard work involved in making your marriage better (or in getting out of a truly bad one).
• Talk to your spouse about your death fantasies. It lightens up the situation and allows you to be able to talk about your anger and disappointment and move on to what you will both do about it.
• Start your eulogy with any random thought, even if it’s negative. Over time, however, insert the good qualities. You’ll know you have it right when the bad qualities are somewhat endearing and humorous, and the good ones bring tears to your eyes.
• And if you can’t, no matter how hard you try, come up with a single positive thing to put in that eulogy—even after months of trying to strengthen your marriage—take that as an omen, too. It might be time to call it quits.
Alisa Bowman is the author of Project: Happily Ever After, which tells the real life story of how she went from the brink of divorce to falling back in love. It's available for pre-order on amazon.com. Visit her blog at http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com.