Modern Foreplay: Washing the Dishes Together

THE CHEAPEST APHRODISIAC

Which brings me back to Porn for Women. I totally get choreplay. Why don’t fathers teach their sons about it? Why don’t relationship experts talk about it? Why isn’t it taught in high school health class? If more men knew about choreplay, nearly every marriage in America might be saved. More wives would feel horny. More men would get the sex they want. The house, for once, would be clean and orderly. There’d be nothing to fight about. The divorce rate would plummet. You might think I’m just being silly, but I’m not. Think about it. Can you really get turned on when you’re exhausted? Can you feel frisky at the same time you feel unappreciated and taken advantage of? I certainly can’t. And when I’m working full time on top of doing 80 percent of the parenting and household chores, exhaustion and irritation are a constant state of emotional affairs.

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MODERN PILLOW TALK

Indeed, the Porn for Women photos spoke to me in a deep, sexual, guttural way, especially the jpeg that depicted a guy in an apron and the caption, “I made some Niman Ranch lamb tenderloin with garlic, black pepper, and Indonesian soy sauce for dinner. I hope that sounds okay.” If Mr. Strong and Silent were to strap himself into an apron and use such pillow talk on me, I’d have him back down on the bed faster than you can say filet mignon. Are you with me on this? I bet you are. Now here’s the real juicy part of it all. The day after I showed the vacuuming picture to Mr. Strong and Silent, I caught him unloading the dishwasher. He never does that. Ever. I stood and watched with the most amazing sense of awe. Guess what? He did it again the following day. He also sorted the mail. He never does that either. He hasn’t brought out the apron yet or offered to cook dinner, but last night he made a huge fuss over my baked chicken thighs. He washed the dishes, and he held my hand while we watched TV together. As far as I’m concerned, he is the sexiest man alive.

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Alisa Bowman is the author of Project: Happily Ever After, which tells the real life story of how she went from the brink of divorce to falling back in love. It's available for pre-order on amazon.com. Visit her blog at http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com.