I have read many posts and talked to many individuals regarding relationships that have become barriers to their success. Is it that you want a relationship that he or she isn't committing to the level that you want, or maybe you are the one not committed? How many times in the past year or years did you argue about this very subject? Are you in a long-term relationship that you know is not working but for some reason neither one of you are willing to end it? What is it that keeps you hanging on? What will it take for you to get off of this emotional roller-coaster? Where is your self-esteem level? Are you afraid to be a lone?
It's 2011, and I believe most people want to be happy. One thing is for certain, if you continue doing what you've always done, you will get the same results. Life requires us to step outside of our comfort zones to enable us to grow. I am not an advocate for being unkind or disrespectful, but I would suggest if you have not done it already, be honest with yourself and decide what you really want within and out of the relationship. Schedule a time to discuss what you want, and allow your partner to do the same. Write it down if you need to. This will minimize the need to interrupt and enable you to listen to each other. Avoid harsh communication (verbal and non-verbal), because it generally closes the door to openness. No matter what people say, words do hurt.
One problem that I've seen, many people are getting involved with each other before one party or both have completely ended their previous relationship. This is not fair to either party. It allows emotional baggage to be transferred from one person to another. Not only will you have to deal with the emotions between the two of you, but you also have the emotions that are sifted in from the other party. In this type of situation, I believe that individual needs the space and time to make and bring closure to their situation. If they are not ready to bring closure, then they are not ready to move on. Why would you want to be in a relationship where the other person is constantly trying to bring closure in a relationship with someone else?
In order to help you get off the emotional roller coaster, I would suggest the following 5 steps:
1. Think about what you want to achieve in 2011.
2. Write down what you want within and out of the relationship.
3. Schedule a time to sit down and discuss what you both want.
4. Evaluate if it is worth it and doable for you. In what way can you change your current habits to realize a better outcome?
5. Take action and schedule a date to evaluate each others progress.
Step number 5 is primarily for enjoying each other and seeing if you are moving in the right direction. Relationships take work. Be patient. If two people see the value in their relationship, focusing on similar things, and are willing to work together, I believe the relationship will work out.
I'm wishing you a prosperous relationship in 2011.