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My Significant Other is Obese, What Should I Do?


If you can’t get your mate to change, try these 9 tips to get them motivated for themselves.

You wish your sweetheart took better care of themselves and weren’t so overweight, but whenever you try to help, it backfires.  You’ve tried friendly suggestions, cooked up healthy meals, kept cookies and ice cream out of the house, and resisted saying too much.  Yet it bothers you that your significant other is only getting heavier and doesn’t seem to be doing anything about it, and it is affecting how you feel about them.  Now what?

Martin had the same problem with his girlfriend Ellen, and more than once she told him to back off when he tried to give advice or encourage her to make changes.  He loves her, but he wasn’t sure he could stay with her if she didn’t start taking care of her health and losing some weight.

The truth is, you can’t force anyone to change, no matter how nice you try to be about it.  But you can make it easier for them to make those changes for themselves.  As we all know, when it is just as easy to get a delicious hearty salad as it is to grab a bag of cookies, it is more likely we will have the salad and maybe a cookie or two to go with it. 

If our environment makes it simpler and easier to make healthier choices, than we are more inclined to do them.  This is why more businesses and communities are working to provide easier access to walking areas, healthy foods and fitness support. 

You can do the same for your partner.  Here are 9 tips that will help you do that.

Have healthy foods in the house
To make it easier for both of you to eat well, you need to stock your refrigerator and freezer with healthy foods that are fast to make, easy to dress up and taste really good.  These days it is easy to find good frozen foods, pre-cut vegetables and very simple fast recipes. 

But do not remove unhealthy food from the house in an attempt to force healthier choices.  Your mate will only go out and get more of that food out of anger and a genuine fear of deprivation.

Buy healthy meals or a meal service
If you don’t want to prepare meals yourself, get healthy to-go options at your favorite restaurant or grocery store, and look for a service that delivers meals.  You may be surprised how affordable these options are.  Everyone prefers healthy foods if they taste good, including vegetables.  You may be surprised how much your significant other looks forward to these balanced healthy meals.

Suggest healthier restaurants
Some restaurants are healthier than others, and more places are providing locally sourced foods, which often includes more vegetables and cleaner foods.  Go exploring to see what new healthy restaurants have popped up in the area, and make it a date night.  The goal isn’t to stay on a diet but to find delicious well balanced fare, so it’s easier to make a healthier choice.

Keep healthy snacks and water around
One of the main reasons people overeat and binge on junk food and sweets is because they get so hungry they go for the easiest food and then can’t stop eating out of a compulsion to make up for not getting enough food earlier.  The way to avoid that is to have healthy snacks on hand in the house, in the car, in your bags or in the office – for yourself and your partner.  Water is also important.  When you don’t get enough water, you deplete your energy and your metabolism slows down. 

Take a cooking class together
Cooking can be fun
, and a cooking class is a great way to do something together, taste new interesting foods and get recipe ideas.  The class doesn’t have to be just about healthy food.  The idea is to learn some cooking techniques, discover new flavors and be open to cooking at home.  It is easier to prepare healthy foods for your sweetie, if you both know how to cook or have some recipes you like.

Suggest some easy activities
Try suggesting activities you can do together that sound fun and don’t take lots of time or exceeds your partner’s physical capabilities.  You want to make being active inviting instead of intimidating, such as birding, walking a nature trail with great views, seeing a great view that takes some stairs, dancing, taking a ballroom dance class, or anything enjoyable that requires limited exertion.  Baby steps are the key to getting them interested in doing even more active outings.

Offer to be a walking buddy  
Your partner probably assumes you would not be interested in walking with them on a regular basis.  Yet you might actually enjoy that.  Martin did, and Ellen was totally amazed.  She knew she couldn’t walk as fast or as far, and she thought Martin would hate walking with her.  But that wasn’t true.  He enjoyed getting time with her after work, and he loved that it was outdoors and doing something active.  So if you think it is appropriate, offer to be a walking buddy, even if the pace is slower than you prefer at first.

Be loving and non-judgmental
It is so easy to judge others for being overweight, yet you don’t know what they are dealing with or why it is so hard for them to change.  Honestly neither does your significant other, who also struggles to understand why they don’t do as they know they should.  And the more they try, often the worse it gets, because the real problem is not lack of willpower or intelligence.  The problem is buried deep in their subconscious beliefs and emotions, which drives choices and behavior unconsciously on autopilot.

Don’t sabotage their efforts
You may think you know best and can help your sweetheart by either denying specific foods or rewarding with treats.  That doesn’t help at all.  Nor does pushing someone to be better or make better choices.  They aren’t you, and if you push, they will rebel and get angry.  Let them discover that the more they do that feels good to their body, the more healthy things they will want to do, particularly if they aren’t trying to measure up to someone else’s expectations.  

The worst thing you can do is make the one you love feel guilty, ashamed or bad about themselves.  That will backfire.  It is human nature to resist doing anything for yourself when you have low self-esteem, just as it is normal to turn to food to avoid painful feelings or shame. 

As Martin learned, the best thing you can do is help your partner feel good about their choices and about themselves by supporting them in a non-threatening way.  By doing little things that made healthier decisions easier, Ellen started to make small changes and feel good about her little successes.  Martin didn’t try to take the credit or push her to do more; he was simply there to listen and be supportive.  A year later, Ellen had slimmed down and became the one who wanted to take an active vacation and encouraged Martin to run with her in a 5k.  The same could happen in your relationship.

For more tips on how to feel good in your body and exercise on your own terms, get a free e-book on how to Feel Your Personal Best from our expert.


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