Men Often Need Encouragement to Ask for Help

By

Men Often Need Encouragement to Ask for Help
How to tell if your guy is depressed, and how to help him recover.

Anger can be deafening. It oppresses and creates an isolation that leads us to crave an escape route. Some seek this getaway from our internal negative chatter through various regimens of immersion such as the Internet, the news, the latest reality show/situation comedy, alcohol, drugs, etc.

The relief, though, is often false and fleeting.

Each time these negative thoughts return, they intensify. Yet we continue to tell anyone who asks that we are
"fine" when we feel terrible, because that has been drilled into our concept of "manliness" since we were young. If we continue to walk down this negative and self-critical path, our destination will be intensively negative and self-critical. We arrive at blackness, at nowhere. This is when we will believe that we have nothing to live for.

When someone takes his life, it is because he had a plan, the means and the energy. Most attempts that fail are cries for help. You will know that you are approaching or have reached this breaking point; the point where you need to ask for help, when you experience any combination of the following:

  • Helplessness
  • Hopelessness
  • Poor sleep
  • Poor appetite
  • Poor self-care habitats
  • Inability to enjoy the things you normally love
  • Inability to communicate with the people you love
  • Any pattern of substance abuse

This is not an exhaustive list, but a list of indicators that you have reached the limit of your private suffering. Remember that suffering is always temporary but only alleviated by transforming it into a path to self-acceptance. There is no shame in surviving depression, and only through connection can we survive. If you are becoming concerned – about yourself or someone else – take stock, reach out, speak out and make that life-saving connection.

Alex Stadler is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, a Mindfulness-based Cognitive Behavioral Therapist in private practice, and a mental health consultant to numerous NYC human service agencies with a private Chelsea office. You can contact him at 917-691-4574 or visit his website at effectivetherapynyc.com.

This article was originally published at Effective Therapy NYC Alex Stadler . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Alex Stadler

Counselor/Therapist

Alex Stadler, LCSW is a mindfulness-based cognitive behavioral therapist and mental health consultant. Manhattan office and Skype video sessions available. Information and credentials are available at http://effectivetherapynyc.com  Phone: 917 691-4574

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: LCSW
Specialties: Anger Management, Anxiety Issues
Other Articles/News by Alex Stadler:

From Therapist To 'THE DAD': One Man's Story Of New Parenthood

By

Out of the cloudy haze of unconsciousness, a small voice whispers to me. "Are you going to change his diaper?" Through my just-cracked eyelids, I notice my wife getting up to prepare to change my son's diaper, and I ask, feeling insulted, "Why are you asking me to do it if you already are?" I am shocked when she tells me she had been ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB