I write a lot about changing your mindset — which, in turn, changes your behavior — because these things can ultimately change your life and your relationships for the better… as long as you can see the bigger picture without getting frustrated by the effort you will need to exert.
The way you think doesn’t only affect you and your self-esteem, it can have a big impact on the people around you.
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Just look at your own life for proof. When you’re in a good place, things typically will go your way.
When you are in a bad place, things often go from bad to worse– you get in arguments with your friends, you’re distracted at school or work and miss important deadlines, you yell at your boyfriend for something stupid, you stub your toe on the very heavy door.
When we have complaints, we usually don’t realize how we might be causing those problems. It starts by looking deep within yourself and figuring out what place you’re coming from.
When you come from a place of ego/insecurity/fear, it can cause the other person to feel attacked and when any person feels attacked they will immediately go on the defensive.
For instance, if you whine to your boyfriend that he’s never there for you or that he is acting cold or distant, he will be put on the defensive. He will see it as you not appreciating him and he will act even more distant.
Also, if he feels like your blaming or attacking him, it will block him from being the great boyfriend that he can be.
When you’re in a good place, you will be better able to speak with integrity and compassion. This usually will awaken this value system in others and they will be more likely to give you what you want.
We all have egos to protect. When you criticize harshly, rarely does it inspire someone to be better. It just puts them on the defensive and makes them point out your faults.
The good news is we all have an innate desire to be out best selves. When you can come from a place of confidence, understanding, and just the right amount of compassion, you will inspire the other person to bring their best self to the table, the side that wants to do good and reach their potential.
Becoming aware of your own sensitivities can show you that you can give the gift of putting someone else in the best place.
What does this look like in relationships? It comes down to recognizing and appreciating the other person for who they are and not placing demands on them that stem from your own insecurities.
It entails being in a good place emotionally because when you bring your best to a relationship, most relationship problems solve themselves.
The worst thing you can do when you’re unhappy in your relationship is blame the other person for making you feel a certain way. It may be the easier option, but it certainly isn’t the most effective.
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If there are problems, the best thing you can do is look within yourself and see how you can be better, both in the relationship and overall. If you’re bringing your best to the table and problems persist, then it might be time to assess whether this is a relationship you want to continue.