I’m a sensitive guy and I respect women, a lot, but I wasn’t always like this. I vividly remember how bad I wanted to “score a perfect 10″. I never really cared about the type of person she was, or if we would connect at an emotional level. I was mostly driven by the physical attraction and glory that comes with landing something so great and I was sure that 95% of those conscience-free men, would feel the same way.
Put it this way—when I was… less mature and single, if I had a chance to sleep with…I don’t know…who is the most distasteful female celebrity? Kim Kardashian, maybe? Yeah, I’d do it. Just to be able to say I did. I wouldn’t want to have to make pillow talk, or cook her breakfast, or call her the following day. I just want to have the meaningless experience and cheap thrill that comes along with sex with a celebrity.
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To me, that’s the perfect metaphor—very attractive women ARE celebrities. They get lavished with attention and praise. They get perks just for being pretty. Their mere presence makes people excited, nervous, fearful, giddy. And while it might seem like a great ride being a celebrity, tell that to poor Britney. Or Mariah. Or any of the people who crumble from the pressure and attention foisted upon them.
Men are to pretty girls what paparazzi are to celebrities. Their constant validation makes them feel important. Their ulterior motives make them feel used and disposable.
I know I’ve gone on a bit of a tangent here, Jamie, because it’s very rare that we hear that the root of someone’s problems stems from being too attractive, but I believe that is the case.
Some of the most attractive women I know—tall blondes with thin waists and big boobs—are 40 and single, because nice guys don’t approach them and slimy guys are always on the make.
What’s really difficult for pretty girls is trying to assess when a guy IS sincere. I mean, it’s tough enough for an average woman to tell when a guy is interested in a relationship or sex. Imagine what it’s like when you’re objectified wherever you go. You start to mistrust everybody. You make nice guys pay for the sins of bad guys. And you think that if you insist on not doing any more than kissing that you’re weeding out the “wrong” guys. You may also be weeding out some decent guys. Although it’s unpopular to say, sex is rightfully important to men. A reasonable man with looks and money and life experience might very well say to himself, after five dates with nothing more than a kiss, “Screw this. I’m going to find a woman who matches my passion, who makes me feel attractive and sexy, who is excited about me.”
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It’s not that you’re wrong for attempting to protect yourself, Jamie. It’s that your layers of protection may be having an unintended side effect—putting off otherwise well-meaning men who don’t want to feel like they’re in seventh grade all over again.