A different example would be if your father was critical, never said he was proud of you, you may be inclined to look for men that treat you in the same way, so that you can WIN over their love and approval to make you feel better about yourself, trying to fix what your father did. You do NOT make these decisions on a conscious level, they all happen instinctively on a subconscious level.
How Your Mind Works
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Consciously, you’re going to judge the things he says but subconsciously you’re going to judge everything else. From his body language, to his tone, the way he talks, the level of eye contact etc. Everything gets judged by your unconscious. With that in mind, if your unconscious brain finds something in that guy, something that resembles an unresolved issue from the past, it will stand out and push you towards that person.
Unconsciously, you might also seek out men that have a quality that is under-develop within yourself. For example if you’re obsessed about work and always wished you weren’t like this, you may be attracted to a guy that is laid back and doesn’t care about things the way you do.
Unfortunately, it’s because of these reasons that unhealthy relationships always begin with a pull. The biggest downside is that you never recognize them as unhealthy because when you’re there, your emotions take control and you’re left almost helpless.
Healthy Relationships Develop In Time
Most healthy relationships begin very differently from dramatic ones. There’s a mutual interest and attraction which eventually grows into something a lot bigger with time. If you would be able to ALWAYS rationalize this, your dating life will be changed forever.
The easiest way to find yourself into a healthy relationship is to take everything slowly. This allows you and your potential partner to grow your level of interest in one another with time. I know how hard it is to keep things objective when starting a relationship, especially for women since they are more emotional but it’s the key to success.
This is why spending an insane amount of time with a guy (especially in the beginning) is never a good idea, because you risk overlooking everything that can break the relationship. Having strong feelings for someone is not enough to keep a relationship, especially because those feeling might very easily fade out in time.
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Having common values, sharing some goals and interests is absolutely paramount because there will be things that you just can’t live with. Ideally, you should always work out if you are both fundamentally compatible. Unfortunately, the only way to do that is if you take it slow.