A Beginner's Guide to Submission


A Beginner's Guide to Submission
Becoming a submissive is a very common sexual fantasy, but fulfilling it takes time and energy.

Know Your Limits
Does the thought of being caned make you want to cower in the corner? Do handcuffs and spreader bars raise your hackles? As you delve into the world of dominance and submission, you're bound to come across more than a few things that test your comfort zone. You know what we're talking about - the things that make you go "Yikes!" Don't let these things turn you off of submission completely, though. Keep in mind that just just because others enjoy something doesn't mean that you have to. Know your limits and stand firm!

While communication is important in any relationship, it's absolutely essential in a dominant/submissive relationship. Now's not the time to be shy; if you're uncomfortable with the thought of sharing your innermost sexual desires and turn-offs it can really affect your safety - not to mention whether your enjoy your encounters. As a submissive, you must be willing and able to openly communicate with your partner or partners to ensure that all sex play is truly consensual. (Get some tips on sexual communication in Talk Dirty to Me: The Why and How of Hot Aural Sex.)


Before a scene or relationship begins, you and your partners should share your wants, desires, and sexual fantasies. However, it is equally important to make your partners aware of any turn-offs and limits you may have. Make your limits known and set boundaries as soon as possible.

Put Safety First
In recent years, the term "safe, sane and consensual" has become something of a motto for the BDSM community and BDSM play. If you're looking into BDSM play for the first time, or even if you're a hardened veteran, safety should be a No.1 priority.

To be clear, whether you're flogging someone or submitting them to some other delicious torture, there is an element of danger or potential harm in any BDSM activity. Always take the time to learn how to properly and safely use any toys and props, and always establish a safeword before beginning any BDSM play. This simple word or phrase can be spoken by a submissive at any time they want to slow down or stop a scene, no questions asked. Of course, words like "stop" and "no" should also be avoided when choosing a safeword, since they can often be used to heighten the
excitement during a scene.

Distinguish Fantasy from Reality
If you're willing to take that first step into a dominant/submissive relationship, it's imperative that you're able to distinguish fantasy from reality. Unless you have another arrangement, you and your dominant should keep in mind that your role-playing is just that - playing.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
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