I’m not necessarily suggesting that you have been blind to what’s in front of you. Most people aren’t and most people aren’t literally blindfolded in their relationships. There is a difference between being blind about it, and either ignoring or making excuses for it. What I am suggesting is to pay attention to the feelings you are having when your partner says something to you or does something that doesn’t feel good.
This may be a bit of a dramatic example but one that gets the point across. Such as a woman who experiences verbal abuse or has been hit by her husband, and only focuses on the flowers he buys to express his remorse even though he never says “I’m sorry” out loud to her and he continually does it again and again. Plain and simple, she’s ignoring the feelings she is having each time he hits her with his words or his fist.
I can imagine how hard it is being in a situation like this. To remain committed to a man, giving of yourself, and possibly even providing for this man all in the name of love. Or is it? Then on top of it, there might be kids to worry about, possibly your own kids, his, or a combined family of kids. I can see how it could get messy and complicated. I also hear a lot of women say they are afraid of ending a relationship because they are really afraid of being alone which dominoes with the fear that they may never meet someone again. All fears can be considered valid but the question is with what validity?
I remember one woman I was talking to about this said she didn’t want to come off as though she was scolding her boyfriend. Let’s analyze this just for a moment. The people who would scold would be a mother and maybe a teacher. You aren’t his teacher or his mother. You are his girlfriend or his wife and most healthy men want to make a woman feel good, so he may want to know when he says or does something that hurts your feelings.
When your partner or anyone else for that matter says something to you that hurts your feelings, do you tell them? Unfortunately because we are mostly functioning on autopilot 95-99% of the time, most people don’t realize when they have said something hurtful to another. Sometimes people will do it, in their eyes, to tease or get your goat or they just do it because it’s a habitual way of being. Yet if it doesn’t feel good, even if the intention is to be funny, why not just tell them, “what was just said hurts.”
One of the things that most men like about women is our ability to be in touch with our emotions. They want to feel safe with us and one way they do, is if we can feel safe with our own emotions. If he doesn’t and doesn’t care, then you have a different problem on your hands and I would imagine this isn’t the only issue in your relationship.
Yes it can be a gift to be the kind of person who only sees the good in things, yet maybe, just maybe, you are ignoring what else is there, something very important. That something important is you. YOU matter. Your feelings matter. Your emotions matter. What you want matters.
If you don’t feel like you matter or how you feel matters, then how can you expect someone else to? By paying attention to all the grey in a relationship what might you see that could be a gift? What you now see could be a gift that could bring you and your partner closer together. Or maybe the gift is the relationship that gave you a profound life long learning. That’s when the curse loses its power.