Is Only Seeing the Good in a Relationship a Gift or a Curse?


Is Only Seeing the Good in a Relationship a Gift or a Curse?
How ignoring your feelings could be harmful to your emotional well being and your relationship.

It’s not about just seeing the good or just seeing the bad of any situation, which tends to be very black and white thinking. It’s about all the shades of grey in between and not just the grey of possibilities. It’s the grey of what else you might open your eyes to seeing that you haven’t before, that IS actually there. Especially when faced with making a decision about ending a relationship or marriage.

Everything we experience is based on our perception of things, AND we do feel emotions with each of those experiences, but we forget how much of a guidance system emotions are for us. Focusing on just the good is literally saying I only choose to see the good things this person does because they feel good rather than all the bad things they do, because those bad things don’t feel good and I don’t like to be reminded of what doesn’t feel good.

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It can get you in trouble only seeing the good that someone does, when most of the time they are doing things that are hurtful, painful, and disappointing, and you know this because you feel it but you choose to ignore it. Then what starts to happen is that you begin to doubt your feelings and start to think that you’re a horrible person for thinking such terrible things about the man in your life. Maybe you have tried to express your feelings to him and he told you, “no that’s not how you feel, I’ll tell you how you really feel”, and boy does he. That’s where the questioning takes a dangerous turn and then you’re left in a space of confusion. In that space you end up directionless, just spinning round and round.

If you can imagine yourself at one end of a room and your instinct is to get to the other side. It would seem that the easiest route would be to just walk straight ahead, but then someone ties a blindfold on you so you can’t see. So you think okay, I’ll just feel my way with my arms out in front of me and continue walking straight ahead. So you start to walk and now someone just bumped into you and threw you off direction. You start to get confused with where you are and now you get bumped again, and before you know it, you’re spinning around, scared, and confused, and you have no idea where the other side of the room is. You then hear a voice of a person who tells you which direction to go in, and you want to trust the person but they are also the one who bumped you off track.

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What would happen if you kept your determination that no matter how many times you got bumped, you would just keep walking, KNOWING that eventually you would get to the other side. Maybe you could trust someone’s direction, maybe you can’t, but you can choose whether or not you take the suggestion into consideration, also knowing that it was your choice to do so. If it doesn’t get you there right away, was it a mistake? It doesn’t have to be.

So let’s say you’re about halfway across the room and you realize, “Wait! Why not just take the blindfold off?” Your hands were never tied so you could very easily just reach up and pull off the blindfold allowing yourself to see. So what if it was that easy?

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