For the last ten years or more, I tend to put the interpersonal communication style of women into five general categories . . . Initiators: Most people in society say that it is generally expected that a single man will be the first to approach a woman, initiate a conversation with her, and invite her to share his company at some point in the near future for a romantic date or a casual hook-up. This is probably a valid assumption, but in the 21st Century, many single women have taken it upon themselves to approach men of interest, introduce themselves, initiate a conversation with a man, and offer their email address and/or mobile number to him. Men consider this to be "assertive" rather than "aggressive." In other words, it is great proactive behavior by women ... and (most) men love the gesture. Reciprocators: Are you a more "traditional" woman who would much prefer that a single man of interest make the first move? If the answer is "yes," then wait for a man to make the first move, and once he clearly lets you know that he is attracted to you and is interested in sharing your company in a romantic or sexual manner, all you have to say is, "Yes ... I would love that!" The chemistry between you two will begin to catch fire immediately. Rejecters: So you are thinking to yourself, "the man who just approached me is not exactly my type." You do not have to be rude, harsh, or abrupt. Once this man expresses an interest in sharing your company in a romantic or sexual manner, simply let him know, "I appreciate your interest in me ... it is very flattering ... but at this time, I am going to have to respectfully decline your invitation. Thank you." You do not have to explain WHY you are not interested in sharing his company, because then that might invite some degree of annoying persistence from the man that you do not want. Keep your response simple, and to the point. You are not interested. End of story. Now the three types of communicators described above have all earned my respect over the years. I have no harsh criticisms of these three types of women whatsoever. I would venture to say that 99% of the men I know rarely criticize these types either. These are your "non-manipulative" type female communicators. There are two more types of female communicators that at minimum, leave a man agitated and frustrated, and at maximum, might potentially cause a man to start harassing you, stalking you, or hurling insults at you repeatedly (even in public!). If you find after reading the descriptions below that your behavior at times falls under one of these two categories, then it would be my STRONG suggestion that you make some modifications to your interpersonal communication style with men as soon as possible. Pretenders: A 'Pretender' is a woman who will initially, temporarily, or indefinitely "pretend" as though she is not interested in sharing a guy's company in a romantic or sexual manner, but deep-down she is interested. If she really is interested, why the façade of disinterest? If the man has expressed an interest in a relationship that is more long-term, more romantic, and more emotionally profound and monogamous, a 'Pretender' wants to make him "jump through a few hoops" before acknowledging her interest in him. She wants to know for a fact that he is sincere, and that he will put forth some effort to win her over. If the man has expressed an interest in a relationship that is more short-term, casual, and non-monogamous, she is reluctant to reciprocate his sexual desires and interests because she does not want to be labeled as or perceived as a "slut," a "whore," or an "easy lay." The reality is that this woman definitely has an interest in exchanging orgasms with the very man who she is pretending not to be interested in. The "risk" for Pretender types : In the midst of your subtle game-playing, you might just end up having the guy leave you alone for good, and you will never connect with him. Do you really want that? Secondly, men quickly lose respect for women who initially behave like a "prude" only to later acknowledge that they are down for a casual roll in the hay. In other words, the ironic consequence of "pretending" that you are not into casual sex in order to avoid being labeled is exactly what happens when you are sexually duplicitous with men. Timewasters: Of all of the five female communicators, this one is the worst. A 'Timewaster' is a woman who is pretty much just the opposite of a 'Pretender.' A Timewaster is a woman who will initially flirt with a man, and temporarily or indefinitely give him the misleading impression that she is open to connect with him romantically or sexually ... but once the man's advances become more strong, frequent, or provocative, the woman will go ahead and ultimately confess that she really only wants to maintain a relationship with the man that will never go beyond the boundaries of a platonic friendship. Shame on you. Shame, shame, shame. If this woman was never interested in sharing the guy's company in a romantic or sexual manner, why didn't she just share her lack of interest with him from the beginning? Good question. In a nutshell, this type of woman wanted to play games with the man. She wanted to see how much attention she could get from him, how many free meals she could get from him, and how many general favors she could accumulate. Some women think it is "cute" and "coy" to behave like a Timewaster with a man. Too bad the vast majority of men do not feel the same way. The "risk" for Timewaster types: If you do not mind men stalking you, then by all means, become a Timewaster with men. If you do not mind men calling you the "B-word" repeatedly in public in an attempt to humiliate you, then by all means, become a Timewaster with men. If you do not mind men becoming increasingly aggressive with their unwanted and uninvited sexual advances, then by all means, become a Timewaster with men. In the long-run, there is no "upside" for either a man or a woman that comes from a woman behaving like a Timewaster. Bottom line: If you are interested in sharing a man's company in a romantic or sexual manner ... tell him. Confidently and directly. On the other hand, if you are not interested in sharing his company in a romantic or sexual manner ... be bold enough to convey that to him as well. Anytime your behavior toward men falls in-between those two points - what I like to refer to as "The Vague and Ambiguous Zone" - you are asking for unnecessary drama, resentment, and animosity from men. Great relationships are all about excellent interpersonal communication skills. Start off on the right track with men of interest.
