Who Are YOU In A Relationship?

There are many books and articles that tell you all of the different things you should fix or change about yourself or be in order to find Mr. Right. You can read about what kind of clothing guys like. One school of thought will tell you to go after a guy if you are interested; another will tell you not to be too pushy. Then there’s even more information on how to act once you’ve met someone. It is so easy to be confused with all of this conflicting advice.

Now I don’t want to add more confusion, but I’d like to share my formula for attracting and maintaining a healthy relationship: be yourself.

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My mom, a very wise woman, used to say “Begin as you mean to go on.” In other words, if you are a more outgoing, fun loving type, don’t act like a more timid or laid back miss. You want to attract someone who likes/loves you for who you are. If you don’t show them who you are how can they? Don’t like to cook? When you make your new guy that lovely home cooked meal, make sure he knows it is special treatment. If you are a jeans and t-shirt kind of gal, be that. I know I personally dislike heels. I only wear them on occasion and there had better be ample seating nearby.  If that’s you too, why be uncomfortable as you get to know you new date? If that’s a deal breaker for him, he’s probably not worth getting to know.

The bottom line here is that for you to attract someone who is authentically into you, you must show them your authentic self. I’m not saying not to dress up if the situation calls for it, or anything like that. Just don’t mask yourself so much that you don’t shine through. There is no need for you to twist yourself into a pretzel to please someone else. You can’t really know at this stage what that person is looking for anyway. One reason relationships go south in the first few months is because as the parties get to know each other better and let their guard down, they find out they are not dating who they thought they were. Be yourself.

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Of course, this means you have to know who you are. Do you? Do you have a clear sense of yourself and your values or are you more like water – taking the shape of whatever container it’s in? Whether you recognize it or not you have a distinct set of likes and dislikes. These are usually built on your core values. If you know what your values are, you are ahead of the game. If not, spend some time thinking about this. What is really important to you as it relates to relationships? What are your standards? As an example: in relationships I value having fun, monogamy and commitment, honesty and communication just to name a few. The more you know about what your values are the easier it is to present who you really are to prospective partners. The ones that match your values will be attracted to you. You will also know much more easily when someone is not a match instead of finding out after you’ve invested a lot of time.

A relationship that is built on common values, similar likes and dislikes, and where each party is being their authentic self has a much greater chance of lasting. Get to know who you really are and present that to the world. You are unique! Embrace it, don’t hide it. The person who is right for you will love you for it.