50 Things You Should Try For Hotter Sex

Who Are YOU In A Relationship?


Who Are YOU In A Relationship?
Twisting yourself into a pretzel just to attract Mr. Right? Here's a better way.

There are many books and articles that tell you all of the different things you should fix or change about yourself or be in order to find Mr. Right. You can read about what kind of clothing guys like. One school of thought will tell you to go after a guy if you are interested; another will tell you not to be too pushy. Then there’s even more information on how to act once you’ve met someone. It is so easy to be confused with all of this conflicting advice.

Now I don’t want to add more confusion, but I’d like to share my formula for attracting and maintaining a healthy relationship: be yourself.

More from YourTango: 7 Areas You Should Focus On If You Want Your Marriage To Last

My mom, a very wise woman, used to say “Begin as you mean to go on.” In other words, if you are a more outgoing, fun loving type, don’t act like a more timid or laid back miss. You want to attract someone who likes/loves you for who you are. If you don’t show them who you are how can they? Don’t like to cook? When you make your new guy that lovely home cooked meal, make sure he knows it is special treatment. If you are a jeans and t-shirt kind of gal, be that. I know I personally dislike heels. I only wear them on occasion and there had better be ample seating nearby.  If that’s you too, why be uncomfortable as you get to know you new date? If that’s a deal breaker for him, he’s probably not worth getting to know.

The bottom line here is that for you to attract someone who is authentically into you, you must show them your authentic self. I’m not saying not to dress up if the situation calls for it, or anything like that. Just don’t mask yourself so much that you don’t shine through. There is no need for you to twist yourself into a pretzel to please someone else. You can’t really know at this stage what that person is looking for anyway. One reason relationships go south in the first few months is because as the parties get to know each other better and let their guard down, they find out they are not dating who they thought they were. Be yourself.

More from YourTango: What Are Your (Dating) Demons?

Of course, this means you have to know who you are. Do you? Do you have a clear sense of yourself and your values or are you more like water – taking the shape of whatever container it’s in? Whether you recognize it or not you have a distinct set of likes and dislikes. These are usually built on your core values. If you know what your values are, you are ahead of the game. If not, spend some time thinking about this. What is really important to you as it relates to relationships? What are your standards? As an example: in relationships I value having fun, monogamy and commitment, honesty and communication just to name a few. The more you know about what your values are the easier it is to present who you really are to prospective partners. The ones that match your values will be attracted to you. You will also know much more easily when someone is not a match instead of finding out after you’ve invested a lot of time.

A relationship that is built on common values, similar likes and dislikes, and where each party is being their authentic self has a much greater chance of lasting. Get to know who you really are and present that to the world. You are unique! Embrace it, don’t hide it. The person who is right for you will love you for it.

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Akua Bediako

Relationship Coach

Akua Bediako

Let me help turn your relationship woes into relationship "WOWs"



Visit www.passionatemagicallife.com

Heal your heart, increase your confidence, create YOUR ideal relationship

To see my latest workshop offerings visit PassionateMagicalLife.com

Location: Garden City, NY
Credentials: CPC, CRC, MBA
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support, Empowering Women, Spiritual
Other Articles/News by Akua Bediako:

7 Areas You Should Focus On If You Want Your Marriage To Last


Today's world gives so much coverage to all of the ups and downs, break-ups and make-ups of the people we deem celebrities. All of this media coverage seems to tell us that it’s okay change partners with the seasons or to fall in love with someone new every time your job changes. Making a relationship last is work but I’m here to tell you that ... Read more

What Are Your (Dating) Demons?


Fall is here, Halloween is upon us. What better time to take a look at the dating demons that may be holding you back from finding your perfect partner? We humans are made up of all of the experiences we have encountered, good or bad. Many times the bad experiences have a greater impact on our outlook on life, especially if there have been a few bad ones. ... Read more

Breakup Survival Guide


A word of caution: this guide is not meant to be put into practice all at once! However, if you will work through these steps as they feel good to you, you will recover much faster, be much stronger and your will know what you want your next relationship to look like. Give yourself time to grieve. This step can never be stressed enough. Dive into your ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Make A Move

Forgiveness : The Most Important "F-Word".

Forgive so that the past no longer holds you back. It is time to move forward.

Trouble In Paradise

5 Signs Your Marriage is At Risk

Learn the warning signs for divorce so you can avoid a crisis and find ways to turn things around.

woman sending naked pic

Before You Hit Send: The Cold, Hard Truth About Sending Nude Pics

Ever thought about sharing nude photos or sexting with a new guy? Read on to know what to watch for.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no timeā€¦

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>