If you start attracting 'clones', you're not ready.
So, you're getting a divorce. It's a bummer, no matter what the reason. Even if you know you'll be happier moving on, the feeling of failing at something so monumental, something that your friends, co-workers and family were all there to witness, something you just knew would last forever, is beyond overwhelming.
Let us begin by figuring out who you are going to be from now on. Your identity is changing. You are no longer someone's wife. You have a unique opportunity to reinvent yourself into whomever you want. You no longer have a partner to compromise your existence with.
It's time to assess and make sure you're doing things that you love because as of now, the only adult you have to keep happy is you. Is your job your passion? Do you get exercise, pamper yourself regularly (or at least sometimes) and do you feel emotionally, mentally, spiritually healthy? Ask yourself these questions and give honest answers for each.
Working on having a balanced life is important for anyone, but during divorce it's crucial to helping you feel less discombobulated and more in control. When you feel in control you become more productive which certainly helps the process of moving on.
Back to dating: when choosing a mate, most of us have a type. I've dated three guys in a row that were practically the same person before I realized...um, if it didn't work out with his clone, then is wasn't going to work out with him! I swear, even their names were similar: Carl, Chris and Carlson...ah, craziness!
You don't want to make that mistake, so become aware of your husband's qualities that you love and loathe. Consider the red flags that you clearly see in hindsight. Get comfortable with what your deal-breakers and turn-ons are before bringing a new guy around.
So, how do you know you're ready? I wish I could tell you that a fairy godmother comes to visit you, declaring the official day of "Go Get 'Em Girl," but it doesn't quite happen this way. Seriously, if you have an idea of what you want this new life to be, you've taken time to get healthy, loving of your new self and you've begun to heal from the marriage by forgiving yourself and your ex for mistakes of the past, that's when you're ready to move on.
You don't want to take old baggage to a hot, new, steamy relationship. You want to be able to live in the moment and feel like you again. Be sure not to act out of spite. When you date from a place of insecurity, you feel desperate and let off that vibe. Your judgment also isn't the best, and things usually don't end well.
It sounds like a lot of work...because it is. However, these times don't have to be all pain and darkness. Self-discovery, empowerment and inspiration should also fill your days. When you feel in control of your life, like you're a sexy, confident, healthy woman, that's when you're ready to move on. Do this and the label of divorcee will not define you!
Aisha Amore is a coach and creator of Sexy Beast Project. Contact her for information about how to feel sexy, confident and powerful. Her latest work, How To Feel Like The Sexy Beast You Know You Are, can be found here.