8 Ways To Deal With Your Cheating Man (If You Still Want Him)


It's Time To Get Real With Yourself

You can't think straight, you can't sleep, you can't eat or you eat too much, you keep asking yourself why, how, when and where did this happen? You've been cheated on by the man you thought was the love of your life. You want the relationship to continue, but after this infidelity how can it?

Does that sound about right? It's not fun for me (or my ego) to share what I'm about to share. I'm writing this because I have personally experienced this hell and I wish someone would have broken down exactly what it would take to make things work at that very moment when I felt like I was going to die. Oh, I wasn't depressed, I was just so completely blindsided by the news that I was betrayed by the only man that I had ever truly loved. It felt like I was hit by a truck. I wanted to resort to violence, but I practiced restraint and got real with myself.

So keep this in mind; this isn't just Aisha the self-esteem coach talking to you. This is a woman who has been there, done that. I'm telling you what works, not what was taught to me from some textbook in Psychology class. When you find out that your husband or serious boyfriend cheated on you and you want to stay, this is what you do.

  1. Try To Keep Things In Perspective: There is only so much control over the situation that you really have. If he wants to leave, you don't want to be with him (even if you think you do). You deserve a guy who is proud to be your man because you rock his world. You also deserve a guy who doesn't sleep around on you, but we will get to that later.
  2. Find Out Why He Cheated: He doesn't just get a pass because he happens to have penis. Men don't cheat because they're men. He may not be able to articulate this exactly, but there is a reason why he banged someone else. It's time to determine if your guy simply needs more attention from you, if there is a deep-seeded issue that calls for professional help or something in between.
  3. Forgive Him And Never Hold This Over His Head As Leverage To Manipulate: You both have to let go. He must forgive himself for hurting you and you must forgive him 100%. He will have to earn your trust back and that takes time but you have to let it go in order to heal. Reliving the issue over and over again would be torture for you both. The anger and hurt would tear you apart and the guilt would eat away at him, pushing him further away.
  4. He's Must Tell The Truth About His Relationship With The Other Woman: Your man must definitively end affairs with her, leaving no room for interpretation. Is he in love with her? Does he still have to be around her for other purposes (is she a co-worker or something)? How long had they been seeing each other? Be practical and get yourself tested for STD's. You're now starting from scratch with this man. You don't know him anymore. Working on finding out who he really is will help you decide if he is what you want.
  5. Date Night And Quality Time Are Key: It doesn't matter how busy you are, you need to schedule a date every single week. This is a night where you do something special. The more creative and different, the better. You guys fell in love for a reason and it had something to do with how much you enjoy each other's company. Celebrate this and never let your quality time become an afterthought. This is the foundation of your relationship because it allows you to continue to bond and create fun new memories.
  6. Get A Life: There's a thing that happens to us when we get a happy and comfortable in a relationship. It's the reason why we tend to gain weight and stop hanging out as much with our buddies. It's horrible. Don't do that! Some guys cheat because the new girl reminds them of the type of woman you used to be. You want to stay emotionally, mentally and physically healthy, be active, and never stop working on your passions. Becoming a couch potato makes you fat, unfulfilled and unattractive, so remember that balance is key. How about a pole dancing or strip-tease class, salsa lessons or even kung fu or ballet? Those activities will help you gain confidence as well as fill your sexy bank.
  7. Communicate Your Feelings To Each Other: Your man will have to function with transparency, patience and compassion. There is no room for ego at this point. This setback could actually have been the best thing that happened to your relationship (don't ever tell him that though). If he is now willing to open up and you allow yourself to heal and move on from the hurt, you will become closer than ever before.
  8. Keep It Between You Two: He cheated and you leaned on your closest friends and family for comfort. Now that you've decided to stay, you have to reign it in a bit. Your mom and your bestie mean well, but the healing process should be exclusively between you and your man. You can still share with your loved ones, just not every little detail. Your business is your business from now on.

Your journey to becoming a strong, loving, faithful couple is going require for you both to get out of your comfort zone. You will grow beyond anything imaginable if you're able and willing to follow these eight steps. Just remember that maintaining a healthy relationship takes work. It's okay to leave if you feel that things aren't right for you. Trust your gut and don't worry about what people think about you or your decisions because your happiness matters most.

Aisha Amore is a coach and creator of Sexy Beast Project. Contact her for information about how to feel sexy, confident and powerful.  Her new video resource, How To Feel Like The Sexy Beast You Know You Are can be found here.


Explore YourTango