How To Find Your Mojo In Only 15 Minutes


How To Find Your Mojo In Only 15 Minutes
With a career, kids, and years under your belt, it can be easy to feel like your running on empty.

Life is great right? Over a decade of marital bliss (mostly), a couple of kids (rapidly morphing into little people), a successful career (or two), and growing confidence that you can finally keep all the balls in the air. By practically any measure you are firing on all cylinders — that is, at least as far as your family and friends are concerned. 

But more than likely, what your family and friends don't know is that things just "aren't the same" with your partner. Sure you still love him, and he you, but just like a once raging campfire, your intimacy has been reduced to smoldering embers.  Honestly, it just isn't a priority. And who has the time and energy for that anyway? At the end of the day you are spent and your mind is still busy processing the events of today and those on tap for tomorrow. Come to think if it, you don't even really care about sex and you assume he doesn't either. 

But have you ever talked about it? I mean honestly talked about it?

Well we did, and we came to realize we had fairly significant challenge before us. Turns out, we were a text-book example of "differential desire." Yes, there is actually a name for it.  Simply put (and consistent with stereotypes) he wanted it more than I did and resentment had been building. While the signs weren't noticeable day to day, our bedroom flames had dulled to embers — and our relationship was suffering.  Over the years our 'passion' had become a 'commitment' or worse, an 'obligation' —Yikes!

Actually recognizing the issue was the first step. Not ready to speak of our sex life only in the past tense, we were motivated to do something — but what? How do you fix low desire? And by the way, why does it seem that practically all women in my peer group seem to agree that desire is a thing of the past? 

Those simple questions took us on a 7 year journey to try and understand why desire disappears. And more importantly, what can be done to bring it back? That journey has led us through reading books on reclaiming desire, reviewing research papers on desire disorders and female sexual arousal, and watching a fair amount of video content. 

The culmination of our journey is the creation of the After Nine Tonight video series — a 15 minute solution to "get your head in the game" so that you actually want intimate interaction. Yes, actually want it. 

After Nine Tonight is designed to provide an engaging story to capture your attention, but also one that includes tasteful seduction that will result in cognitive (e.g. mental) arousal without being over graphic. With the brain focused and aroused, we think you will truly enjoy what happens next…and not just that night. Rekindling the flames of intimacy and passion can have a truly wonderful and rejuvenating effect on a relationship. 

So, do you think you can spare 15 minutes, After Nine Tonight? You and your partner will be happy you did!

This article was originally published at Reprinted with permission.

More Marriage Advice on YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Suzanne Olds, After Nine Tonight

YourTango Expert Partner


Suzanne Olds, PhD is the founder and executive producer at After Nine Tonight and she is dedicated to helping busy parents rekindle their passion.

Location: Glenview, IL
Credentials: PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Suzanne Olds, After Nine Tonight:

How To Spice It Up In Bed When You're A Busy Mom


When you spend the day taking care of (and running after) the kids, you pretty much learn to appreciate any opportunity to finally crawl into bed and just relax. After being on your feet for hours, catching some much needed sleep becomes a top priority. That's what makes it so frustrating when your husband chooses that exact moment to try and initiate sex. ... Read more

Forget Makeup Sex! The #1 Day Of The Week To Get It On Is...


If you're ready for some seriously sexy times, you're going to want to hear us out. While the thought of having makeup sex after a huge fight is pretty appealing, the fact that the best sex that some of us have ever had almost always comes after a huge blow out may mean that something isn't right. After being together for so long, makeup sex ... Read more

It's School Time! Say Goodbye To Your Kids, And Your Sex Drive


Back to school time — yes, finally! For the past several days (okay, weeks), my mom friends and I have been excitedly, exhaustedly, waiting for school to start.  Crazy, right? Just about ten weeks ago my household was buzzing with excitement as the school year ended and summer was starting. I was looking forward to waking up later, not having to ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular