5 reasons your emotions will help you manifest your lifelong partner.
“You’re so emotional!”
Ever heard that one? Like it’s some kind of insult?
I grew up with a mother who was diagnosed as bipolar, and boy were her emotions all over the map. So, I associated being emotional with something that was negative.
I remember showing up for a hair appointment one day, tearing up over a very recent breakup
. My stylist, who barely knew me, pointed out that I was a very sensitive person. WHAT?? NO. I felt embarrassed and angry at her for saying such a thing. If this stranger thought I was sensitive, I would need to fix this thing about myself.
So I spent the majority of my adulthood training in nonemotional areas. I attended law school. Passed the bar exam. Joined the military. These major commitments center around the rational, the disciplined, the stoic.
I would prove to myself and everyone in the world that I was the most rational and nonemotional person I could be.
Until it began to backfire in my love
life. And probably in all areas of my life.
Luckily, though, I eventually figured out that accepting and honoring my emotions made life so much easier, richer, and better.
So, go ahead and USE your emotions to your advantage, because they will help you find a healthy, loving relationship.
1. Your emotions will show up in your body to tell you whether someone is a good match for you
. Your body responds to the way you think, feel, and act
. So, how you feel in the presence of someone is the best indicator of whether he is worth letting into your heart. Do you find yourself feeling like you’re always walking on eggshells around someone? Listen to that. Does it feel like an adrenaline rush to be around him, and a crash when he’s gone? That’s not love, but rather an addiction.
2. Men love emotional women. Since most men are not wired to focus on or express their emotions, they have to rely on us women to get them in touch with theirs. The majority of masculine men love women because they are soft, warm, and have emotions. This is a fact, whether they admit to it or not.
So, express your emotions in front of your man when you’re feeling them. If you don’t, your man will subconsciously get the sense that hanging out with you is like hanging out with one of his guy pals. And while that might not sound all that bad, ask yourself this: when was the last time he became inspired to romance
3. There is nothing more intriguing to a man than a woman who can express her emotions authentically. During any big fight, it’s easy to point the finger at the other person and tell her/him what is wrong with her/him. But flipping the focus back on yourself could pay huge dividends for your relationship. Instead, take a pause, take a breath, move into your body, feel what’s going on in there, and express how you’re feeling.
Saying, “It makes me feel unappreciated and angry when I spend all day cleaning the house while you sit on the couch watching football,” is 100% better than saying, “Why don’t you get off your butt once in a while, you lazy piece of $#^@!”
Both statements are an expression of anger, but the first one is an honest, authentic statement of how you feel and why, whereas the second is just an all-out attack. If you can learn to master FEELING your feelings, then EXPRESSING them instead of blaming, you will have the right man clamoring for your affection
and attention for the rest of your life.
4. Emotion is not the same as drama. Men complain that women are sometimes too emotional, and they interchange “drama” with “feeling” and “expressing emotion.” Urban dictionaries generally define drama as an overreaction or exaggeration of something benign.
But being in touch with your feelings, and being able to express yourself about those feelings, without blaming the other person, is an instantaneous way to make your significant other feel closer to you.
5. Suppressing your emotions is physically harmful. Just as noticing your emotions can keep you in tune with your body, ignoring or suppressing those same emotions will actually cause harm to it.
When you’re not acknowledging and honoring your emotions -- because it might feel scary to do so -- you will find yourself dealing with them in a host of other ways. A 2010 study
found that suppressing emotions led to emotional overeating, interruption in healthy sleep patterns, and higher than normal heart rates, among other things.
So, please: acknowledge and accept your emotions. Express them authentically. Wear them as a badge of honor instead of wondering whether you are wrong for having them. You are not.
Adi Cecile is a Wellbeing and Dating & Relationship coach who hosts workshops in New Orleans for women struggling in their quests to discover the relationships they've always wanted. To sign up for a free consultation, and discover whether she is a good fit for your individual dating and relationship needs, visit adicecile.com
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