So I gave her a practice, to turn that stream into a rive and keep it flowing -- an ongoing meditation.
And it goes like this: as she encounters men on the way into work, in the workplace, at restaurants and on the street, in magazines and on TV, her practice is to find what is lovable about that man.
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To become a “Sherlock Holmes” of masculine lovability.
In a way, I became her love optometrist – adjusting her glasses – not quite to rose- colored, but rather to gain clarity - to focus on the good. In many ways, love, as a parent as well as in intimacy, is choosing to see and cultivate the good in another, rather than lambasting and accentuating the bad.
Soon, she called me – and she sounded 15 years younger!
“I saw a father carrying his son on his shoulders and both were singing!” she exclaimed.
“ I watched a young hipster hold the door open for a little old lady, smiling at her and making her smile. I saw men talking deeply and passionately to each other being friends. I noticed that a man at work says please anytime he wants something, and I never realized that before! My own brother called to see how I was feeling, and I saw him not just as my brother for a change, but as a man who looks out for the feelings of women.”
Father. Caretaker. Friend. Lover. Brother. Protector…
No matter how lousy some men have been on dates in the past, men bring you beautiful gifts daily – if only you notice them!
And, importantly, they bring them in man-shaped packages with man-wrapping – which may not be as fancy or sparkly or carefully be-ribboned as you may wish. They may be clumsy or shy or awkward or halting or accessorized with a dash of bravado. We men offer our gifts the only way we know how.
But gifts they remain.
Stay attuned to the gifts that man offer through the day, or attempt to offer. If you find that you have “dating callouses” or “love callouses” after difficult experiences with men, try this practice of “love optometry.”
Wipe away your muddied lenses and see men with clarity once again. And be an explorer, a detective, an adventurer in the goodness of men.
We are eager to have you notice and to love us more deeply into what makes us admirable.
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To learn more about how to get inside a man’s mind – especially when it comes to online dating, watch this video….