Congratulations, girl! You're ex is officially a thing of the past.
Once upon a time, you were inseparable. Your days didn't feel complete without hearing his voice or seeing his face. He made you feel special and loved. Then the relationship came crashing to an end. Whether you called it quits or he did, you never expected this. The joint future you envisioned is kaput.
It's natural to grieve when a romantic relationship ends. This person was special to you. Just as it is with a death, there's an enormous sense of loss, longing and regret after breaking up. Take it from your personal "Breakup Whisperer," many of us move on too soon, resulting in what I diagnose as "Post Traumatic Love Disorder." When we move forward before we've healed from a past relationship we can end up feeling shattered and displaced.
This is not to say you should cry alone in a room until you're over it. However, you should give yourself a moment to mentally cleanse. When you're with someone, exchanging DNA and spending quality time, you're energetically corded to them. Going from relationship to relationship without a moment to catch your breath is a sign of love addiction.
So, how do you know when you're truly over your ex? Counting backwards ...
1. You Feel Flirty Again
When we're depressed, the world looks barren and gray. Then, when we're on our way to healing we experience rebirth, it's like things are coming back into technicolor. Many of my coaching clients describe their feeling of coming out of a breakdown that they weren't aware was even happening to them. That said, there's nothing like a little rebound loving to light your spark again. Be open to introductions, and give that cute guy at Starbucks a coy smile.
2. You're Over Trashing Your Ex To Everyone Else
"He did this, then I said that." After a heartbreak, our edition of what happened becomes our favorite thing to talk about. It's easy to fall into a sense of victimization, especially if there was a betrayal like infidelity. When your default mode is no longer, "Let me tell you what happened to me, " you're getting over your ex.
3. You Don't Want Revenge ... Anymore
You're no Dexter, but when your wounds were fresh, you imagined seven different ways to make that loser pay for what happened. The only reason you didn't exacted some kind of punishment on your ex is that you believe in karma; plus who wants to go to jail?
Take a breath, bombshell. Everyone did they best they could with what they knew at the time. When you no longer fantasize about getting him fired, kidnapping his dog, calling his mom or telling all on Facebook, you've moved on.
4. You're No Longer Bawling
Raise your hand if you've ever been curled up in a ball on your kitchen floor in tears. Yup. We've all been there at some point or another. Pain is inevitable if we live long enough. It's the suffering that's optional. If you can mention your ex without getting teary-eyed, and you're no longer crying on a daily basis, you're probably on your way to better things.
5. You Forgive The Past
Forgiveness is the most powerful piece in the love puzzle. Who should you forgive for optimal healing? Forgive everyone. Forgive yourself and your ex. Forgive the circumstances. Let go of the hope, wish and idea that the past could have been any different. OK, it happened and it sucked. What's the lesson from the situation?
When a breakup happens, you should allow yourself to go through the full range of emotions. You have a right to feel angry, sad or however you feel. You can unfriend him on social networks, sure, but slashing tires is not allowed — except in your imagination.
Yes, you've had your heart broken but you're still your wonderful, beautiful self. As Pink once said, "So what? You're still a rock star!" The most important lesson of all? You are worthy of being loved and you are enough. Now get out there and show the dating world what you've got!
This article was originally published at Shine. Reprinted with permission from the author.