The Real Reason Your Husband Will Cheat On You

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Infidelity: The Real Reason Your Husband Will Cheat On You
Hint: It has nothing to do with your age or appearance.

We can all envision the prototypical image of the middle-aged man who has an affair with his twenty-something secretary. And certainly those men are out there. But some research shows that when men have affairs they're not involved with someone prettier or younger or fitter than you, they're involved with someone more interesting. Surprising?

Psychologist Thomas A. Habib reports that men enter relationships with passive women initially because they are easy to be with and malleable. The problem lies, he writes, in that men eventually become bored with these women and their respect for them dwindles over time. He warns that a woman needs to be her own person, one who exercises her independence and autonomy, in order to stay interesting to her husband.

A wise mentor of mine once said that successful marriages are the ones in which each partner finds the other infinitely interesting. And, implied in that, is that we should strive to remain interesting to our partners. Doesn't that make sense? 

You might be thinking that this is your husband's problem. You’re who he chose to marry, not some other version of you. And you’d be inarguably right. So, don’t grow or change or learn or evolve for him. Do it for yourself. You may just find it improves your marriage at the same time. And, inarguably, there’s nothing wrong with that.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Abby Rodman

Counselor/Therapist

Abby Rodman, LICSW is a psychotherapist in private practice in the Boston area. For nearly 20 years, Abby has helped individuals and couples find their capacity and courage for positive change.

Location: Newton, MA
Credentials: LICSW, MSW, Other
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