Hint: It has nothing to do with your age or appearance.
Think about it, ladies. Your husband presumably goes to work every day where there are vibrant, smart women doing similar work to his. These women are engaging with your husband around topics they're both interested in. Perhaps they discover they have similar personal interests as well. (If you've ever wondered how affairs start, this is how.)
So, your husband comes home and you’re in aforementioned dingy flannels and all you've done today is grocery-shopped and returned some stuff to Marshalls. Maybe you went for a walk with a friend and ferried your kids all over creation. These are all fine things, but this is what your husband hears when he asks about your day: (insert white noise here).
But it's not that you haven't cured cancer or run the marathon, according to your husband, it's that you also seemingly can't handle life's difficulties. Issues and relationships that are more complex or that take emotional maturity to manage bring you to your knees. You crumble because someone keyed your car. You tearfully obsess over that birthday party your daughter wasn’t invited to.
But here's where I blame the guys. When they married you, they wanted to be in charge of the big decisions like how the money got spent or what kind of house you would buy. You seemed happy to let him take the wheel. Maybe that's what your parents' marriage was like and it looked pretty good to you. All fair. But now your husband doesn't want that passive woman anymore. He wants someone who can bring home the turkey bacon and fry it up in the pan. He wants a well-rounded, emotionally reliable, strong woman as a partner. He may even still want you (and often that’s the case) but he wants a more grown-up and evolved you.
Years ago, a male client of mine had an affair with a woman he worked with. This woman was ten years older than his wife and wasn’t remarkably attractive. But she was successful and smart in the same ways he was. His wife was home with their three young kids. Any small glitch (the ATM eating her bank card, for example) reduced her to tears. She was a lovely person, he claimed, but childlike in many ways. And he wanted the company of a full-fledged woman, someone whose conversation excited and stimulated him. Keep reading...