TRUST me on this.
Your man calls you on his way home from work and says that he’s had a really hard day. Your partner texts that she’s exhausted — too tired too even THINK about cooking — so you’ll need to bring home some take-out for dinner.
Often at the end of a long day at work, or being home with the kids, or studying at school — or just when life in general has got us down — we come home tired and looking to unwind. Typically this "unwinding" takes the form of mostly unhealthy behaviors: eating foods we shouldn’t, smoking pot, having a drink or two (or four), napping, vegging out in front of the TV, submerging ourselves in social media and email or playing video games.
The problem with all of these activities is that they check us OUT instead of checking us IN. We end up more distant from our partners and family instead of closer.
So, what to do? Have sex instead. That’s right — you heard me.
Have. Sex. Instead.
First of all, there’s nothing better than an orgasm or two to make your whole world feel more bright. Second, lots of couples wait until the end of the night to have sex when they’re exhausted, uninspired and probably wanting to just go to sleep. Sex can end up being routine and not giving us the intimate connection we’re craving from our partners.
The answer to almost ALL of these problems is to have sex when you get home after a long day.
Having sex earlier in the evening gives you lots of benefits:
1. It’s new and different so it adds a little something extra to your sex life.
2. Since you’re actually awake you'll probably have more fun ... and hey — who knows — you might be up for getting a little creative.
3. The pot roast won't be the only reason why you're smiling at dinner.
4. Your stress level really will go WAY down. (And plus — you’re connecting to your partner. A two-for-one.)
5. Sex burns calories, which makes it a GREAT workout.
6. You’ll feel spontaneous and a little young and crazy again by breaking up the monotony.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re crazy! There’s no time for sex! The kids are running around or need to do their homework, the dog needs to be walked, dinner is cooking, the house is a mess, blah, blah, blah.
I get it. We’ve all been there. But let’s get back to what’s really important: connecting with your partner.
I’m talking about just 15 minutes or less here (all the power to you if you can make it longer, but I’m looking for a reasonable place to start). You can have a quickie in the laundry room, give him a blow job in the bathroom or 69 in your walk-in closet. Try not to rush too much — take a minute to really connect and enjoy one another and have some fun.
I can tell you from experience (both my own and that of my clients) that life looks much different from the relaxing side of an orgasm. Slow the train and focus on what’s important.
I can’t tell you how many clients tell me this is impossible and that there’s no time. I then point out that they’ve taken quite a bit of time and resources out of their tight schedules to come to couples therapy. So why not try carving out 15 minutes or so at home? It’s all about perspective and what you prioritize.
In the end, sex and intimate contact is the only thing we share with our partners that we don’t share with the rest of the world. It’s one of the things that stops us from just being roommates.
I speak to so many couples who assume that sex and intimate contact decline with age and longevity of a relationship. That doesn’t need to be. It certainly takes more thought to keep it fresh and interesting, but it doesn’t need to go away.
So, let the dog out back, turn off the burners on the stove and tell the kids to start their homework and you’ll be there in a few minutes: You and your partner need a few minutes of alone time.
Dr. Abby Medcalf is relationship mover and motivational speaker who has been helping couples create happy, connected and fulfilled relationships for 25 years. Looking for more tips to make your life even better? Download her FREE Top Five Tools for Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams.