Is your relationship hanging by a thin R.O.P.E.?
Have you ever been in a conversation with your partner and wondered if you were getting through? Or maybe you’re just having that same fight again and you’re wondering if it’s finally time to call it quits? You’re asking yourself, Is this relationship healthy?
Here are four signs that your relationship is hanging by a very thin R.O.P.E.
1. Reading Minds: You can’t read anyone’s mind and they can’t read yours.
If you find yourself thinking, “I know what he’s going to say, so I’m not even going to ask him,” you’re in trouble. If you’re in a conversation with your partner and they’re telling you something like, “Well, you should know what I like by now, I shouldn’t have to tell you,” you’re in trouble. These scenarios require mind-reading and, unless you or your partner is the Amazing Kreskin, no one has this power.
Have direct conversations and don’t get caught up in what you think your partner is thinking.
That’s right – no one owes you a thing and you don’t owe anyone else anything either. Your parents don’t owe you an inheritance or to pay for your college. Your children don’t owe you respect or gratitude. Your partner doesn’t owe you appreciation or love. Acting entitled to anything only leads to disappointment and being upset.
Your job is to keep your side of the street clean because you want to be a good person in the world, not because it means that your partner (or anyone else) owes you. You’re not inherently deserving of any privileges or special treatment. There is nothing you have a “right” to. If people consistently fail to meet your standards, you can remove them from your life (or remove yourself from theirs).
3. Poor Me: Don’t blame your partner (or anyone else) for your situation in life. You’re not a victim.
No matter what horrible thing your partner has done or said, no matter what they won’t do, no matter how many times they’ve not followed through on a promise, they are not to blame for your relationship. You’re responsible for your feelings and where you are in life.
Blaming anyone else just hands over your power to the other person. If you don’t focus on yourself and what you need to do, nothing will ever change.
4. Expectations: Keep your expectations low and your standards high.
If you’re frustrated or disappointed, your expectations are too high. Most people have this backwards: they have high expectations, but low standards. They’ll accept all kinds of crappy behavior from the people in their lives, but then act disappointed and upset when these same people treat them like crap.
You need to switch this and get your standards up while keeping your expectations low.
Do you even know your standards? Another way to ask this is, “What are your deal breakers?” What are the things you must have in your relationships? So many people never identify these items, but then run around feeling angry and helpless. The trick is to know your deal breakers, and then remind your partner of these standards when they’re not met.
Is your relationship in trouble?
It’s important to know the signs of an unhealthy relationship. But, don’t just focus on whether or not your partner is doing them. You also need to watch your own language and motivations. Don't falling into the trap of hanging yourself by the Relationship R.O.P.E.
Dr. Abby Medcalf is a relationship mover and motivational speaker who has been helping couples create happy, connected and fulfilled relationships for 25 years. Download the Dealbreakers, Standards and Expectations Guide here.