List out 3-5+ things about your partner or relationship that are problematic. For example, "when he returns from a trip, he wants to see his friends before me".
2) Why does it matter?
Around each, write a little bit about why it is a problem to you, why it makes you unhappy. Example: "when he wants to see his friends before me, it makes me feel like I'm not important to him or valued by him."
3) How did you create or allow this?
In every case, you played an equal role in creating or allowing it (it takes two to tango). What are some ways you did this...be honest! Example: "I haven't told him clearly - in direct words that he can understand - why this hurts my feelings," or "I don't stand up for myself in my value, including setting healthy boundaries, so I let him devalue me."
4) What can you do about it?
You can't control another person, only yourself. So now what can YOU do? "I can be blunt in what I need...", "I can be more patient and forgiving...", "I can set new boundaries...", "I can see a counselor or coach...", "I can devote time to my own passions and health...", "I can work on my self-confidence..."
Face your challenges and yourself – do not run from them. Conquer them now so they don’t follow you. Doing so will help you find the silver lining/treasure in them and will help to power your happiness and love and work.
You can look at your challenges as opportunities to see what negative habits and patterns are inside you, and thus get a chance to work through them and past them, to the prize (love, money, peace of mind, etc.) beyond…
Embrace the sadness and move through it, knowing happiness is on the other side if you learn the lessons in front of you...in other words, embrace the shit!
Aaron "Air" Ross