Don't take pillow talk for granted. It's one of the most glorious features of a loving relationship.
It can be very hurtful when there is very little or no sexual relations happening in a relationship. After all, one of the greatest benefits of being in a loving intimate relationship is to experience emotional and physical compatibility with another person. A lasting relationship means working to keep the intimacy and romance alive for many, many years and through all the trials and tribulation of day to day living.
No Pillow Talk
Sometimes the lack of sex in relationships is not due to lack of physical attraction, but rather to the strain of just handling finances, work and day-to-day life. When beginning a family, small children place a great strain on any relationship even if they do bring enormous joy. Children require an enormous amount of attention and this was time once spent on the spouse. On top of that, children can simply wear adults out by the end of the day when sexual relations are most likely to occur.
But there can be many other reasons why the physical side of a relationship has declined. If the marriage is experiencing problems that have caused tension between a couple then sexual relations often suffer. It's difficult to be physically active with someone who is making you angry. That's because sexual intimacy within a relationship is just as much about meeting emotional needs as it is about satisfying physical wants.
There are couples who get to the point where they cannot stand to even touch each other because the emotional barriers are so strong. This is true for both men and women. Another common reason for sexual relations declining are related to the physical aspects of the spouse. As one husband bluntly told his wife; "I didn't marry a fat woman!" This may seem cruel and is absolutely not the right way to express his feelings, but he is letting his wife know that the decline in sexual relations is because she has become physically unattractive.
When the pillow talk stops and the physical expression of love dries up it can quickly lead to the breakdown and possibly end of a relationship. It is a double whammy against the relationship, because there are now both communication and physical problems. It is important to deal with these issues from both sides and restore the physical relationship as quickly as possible. Sexual relations are not the most important feature of a marriage, but they are as important as all the other components. Therefore, problems should be addressed and not just ignored in order to maintain the intimate vitality within a relationship.
Plumping the Pillows
Pillow talking is an old expression that refers to the fact that couples often discuss their deepest feelings and emotions in the context of the bedroom and intimacy. When the talking stops and the bed becomes simply a place to relieve exhaustion, sex becomes a distant memory. The first step you can take to restore sexual relations to your marriage is to determine what has changed in the bedroom between the time your relationship first began and now. Did you once initiate the sex and now you wait for your partner? Do you take all of the day's problems to bed with you? Are there natural physical problems related to aging that need to be addressed? Physical problems can include impotency or excessive weight gain.
Of course physical problems must be addressed with sensitivity. Gentleman, telling your partner that she is fat is not going to generate a positive response! Ladies, telling your partner he is only half the man he used to be is going to lead you both straight to the end of your relationship. Instead, you both need to plump the pillows and begin having honest communication that offers solutions. You can agree to work on changing your relationship lifestyle to one that is healthier. Or you can discuss seeing a good doctor who can help with overcoming impotency.
If your lack of sexual intimacy is due to lack of energy because of the demands of raising a family and working for a living, it's time to set aside quality time for a physical relationship. This may take some schedule rearranging and a real effort to show your partner you believe they are still physically attractive. You must communicate your desire and refuse to let daily problems weight so heavily in your relationship, that they stifle all sexual activity.
It all starts with sexual communication. Women must let men know they want sex and men must let women know the love is still there and an important part of the physical relationship. Men and women really do communicate very differently, and it's important to understand how. Keeping intimacy alive and well can help maintain the vibrancy and excitement that you want existing in your relationship, and restore one of the most glorious features of a loving relationship.