You can’t trick him into liking you more.
Playing "hard to get" has been touted as a tried-and-true way to attract and date a partner. This advice is mostly directed at women as a way to "get the guy," but it's been put out there to all as a smart strategy for getting dates and keeping a potential partner's interest.
According to some researchers, surveys say YES, playing hard to get does actually work. It supposedly sends the message that a person is choosy and somehow more valuable.
While it may work for some people, the dating game where you feign disinterest and make yourself difficult to reach has very real dangers which could prevent the kind of long-lasting and happy relationship you're looking for.
Maybe you recognize the dangers of playing hard to get, but you just can't seem to date successfully without it. It's helpful to understand WHY people fall into this dating game so that you can start choosing a new way.
So here are four reasons why you're playing hard to get (when you REALLY shouldn't be):
1. You want to look like you are SUPER mysterious.
Think of the countless movies and tv shows that you've seen where the one whom others chase after the most and pine for is elusive and unreachable — the person is always disappearing into a crowd and leaving their date yearning for more. Even survey respondents said that people who play hard to get seem somehow MORE attractive.
The truth is, in real life, playing hard to get can cause you to appear snobbish, superior, uninterested, or like a waste of time. When you try to be mysterious, the other person may think you've got something to hide ... and that's not necessarily a turn on.
2. You play games because — well — it's what you've ALWAYS done.
Even if it hasn't worked so well in the past, playing hard to get may seem to be what you "just do" in a relationship, so you keep on doing it. As with many habits, you might not even realize you're making yourself inaccessible and distant.
Or maybe you're consciously choosing to play hard to get because you're nervous about being the real you with the person you're interested in. Being vulnerable feels scary and so you stick with what you've always done, despite the risks.
3. You're afraid there's no other way to get someone interested.
Maybe you're motivated to ignore a text or to talk to someone else on the other side of the room at a party because you worry that you're somehow not enough or that this is the only way to get the other person's attention.
4. You get this thrilling sense of power.
Another fear that motivates people to play hard to get is the fear of being rejected. One way to stave off that fear is to feel like you are in control.
Keeping the other person "off balance" and uncertain may give you the impression that you're the one with the power and — therefore — won't be the one getting hurt if it doesn't work out.
This, of course, is not what power is all about. Power is you listening to yourself and honoring what you want. Power is you being authentic and honest, even if it's uncomfortable or feels like a risk. Power is you knowing that your worth and value aren't determined by anyone other than you.
Resist the urge to focus all of your attention on them or on the potential relationship that may be blossoming. Just because you've stopped playing hard to get, doesn't mean you should go to the opposite extreme and be clingy, high need, smothering, or emotionally dependent.
The big lesson here is to be real and, above all, stay true to yourself.
For more authentic and healthy relationship-attracting tips, check out Automatic Attraction Secrets.