Should you WAIT on him, or find someone who IS ready for commitment?
After 4 or 5 dates with a great guy — nerdy in that hot way you like, or devilishly handsome but somehow really nice — you are sold.
The guy in question PERFECTLY matches every check mark on your "list," and you're ready to take the next big step — changing your Facebook relationship status! Forget that coffee with the random Tinder dude you’re supposed to meet next Tuesday!
But much to your dismay, Mr. Wonderful seems content to keep things right where they are. He likes you and he clearly wants to keep dating you, but words like “exclusive” and “girlfriend” aren’t exactly rolling off his tongue.
The good news is that the best path for you to take — the one that is emotionally healthy and like a green smoothie for your love life — is also the path that is most likely to draw him to you for a committed relationship (if that is part of his future plan) ...
... that is to sit back and ENJOY the phase you’re in right now — casually dating someone with potential.
Consider these 3 potential benefits to delaying exclusivity:
1. It gives you time to REALLY get to know the man you're with.
The longer you delay exclusivity, the more information you will have about the person you're dating. Almost any guy can seem like a prince for a few weeks or months, but what happens when he starts to reveal the “real” him?
If you're dating multiple people — which I highly encourage, provided you are also delaying physical intimacy — you may be surprised to find that your ultimate best match is not the guy you originally targeted. Always let the best man win your affections over time.
2. You can make sure the man you're dating is, well, a REAL gentleman who is ready to commit long-term.
Sure, it may seem romantic to get caught up in a whirlwind romance, with a man whispering that you are "The One" by the second date. But let’s be real. Emotionally healthy men — you know, the kind that make great husbands — often choose to take their time before they commit to a special woman.
I’m not talking about dragging his feet endlessly for months, but having the maturity and self-discipline to step back emotionally and make sure that you fit into his life, in a long-term way, before he presses you for exclusivity.
3. It keeps you from back-tracking in your relationship.
A man loves knowing that his girlfriend is a high-status, in-demand woman. When a man locks you down too early, he may miss out on the pleasure of “winning” you over from your single status.
Now he’s got you — but is some of the fire and momentum fizzling out? Is he regretting his move, and starting to look around at other women? It's far better to become exclusive after you’re SURE that you have truly captivated him and he deeply appreciates all you can bring to his life.
Always keep these benefits in mind when you find yourself really liking someone and hoping he will initiate "the talk". Appreciate where you’re at today, and understand that your pace and his don’t have to line up perfectly for this to be a TRUE love match.
Robyn Wahlgast is a Rules Certified Dating and Relationship Coach for Women. If you're online dating (or thinking about it) read How To Have An Awesome First Date With An Online Guy for road-tested tips and advice. Or, subscribe to her FREE newsletter.
This article was originally published at Robyn's blog at New Direction Dating. Reprinted with permission from the author.