You CAN keep him without keeping yourself weighed down.
What if you want to lose weight BUT you're afraid that if you do, you'll end up losing your husband?
Believe it or not, this is a real fear many women face today.
This creates a big problem when you really want to lose weight. Not only does it make weight loss extremely hard, for most it makes weight loss impossible, because while you do want to lose weight, you also don't want to lose your husband. This creates a powerful struggle within yourself, which makes it impossible to lose weight and keep it off — unless your fear is healed.
But why would you fear that you'd lose your husband if you lose weight?
If you're like one of my weight loss coaching clients, then your fear is that your husband won't be attracted to you if you're thin, because he's only known you as you are now: overweight. In fact, she'd been 50 pounds overweight ever since she'd first met her husband, so he'd never seen her thin.
Hey, you're definitely not alone if you too are fearing you'll lose your husband if you lose weight. I haven't had just one coaching client with these kinds of fears, but I've had several weight loss coaching clients who were afraid that their relationship would fall apart if they succeeded in achieving permanent weight loss. Obviously this kind of fear will sabotage every effort you make to lose weight, because your marriage is important to you.
But then how do you get the body of your dreams while keeping the man of your dreams? Can you have both?
Their Main "FUN" Had Been Eating and Drinking
My current client's specific fear was that her marriage would fall apart because one of the main activities she's shared with her husband throughout 10 years of marriage was going out each weekend to eat and drink with friends, but the kind of food and drink they've been consuming is the same kind that you know keeps your body fat. You know what I mean: all of that food that you love to eat, but in the back of your mind you know it won't help you lose weight (and then you end up hating yourself later for eating it. Ugh! I know what that's like!).
So she'd been going out, eating and drinking all kinds of food and alcohol with her husband each weekend, but then at the end of those weekends she'd end up hating herself, because she knew she'd never lose weight by living like she was. She couldn't get herself to change by buying another diet book though, because it wasn't the food that was the source of the problem. Not only was she afraid that her husband wouldn't be attracted to her if she lost 50 pounds, but she was also afraid they wouldn't have anything in common if she changed how she ate to lose weight because their main "fun" was going out each weekend to eat and drink.
How to Lose Weight When You're Afraid You'll Lose Your Husband
So how do you lose weight when you're afraid you'll lose your husband?
Unfortunately, it really doesn't help if your husband tells you that he just wants you to be happy. My client's husband told her the same thing and yes, he meant it! Hearing that from her husband didn't make it easier for her to let go of her fear of losing him if she lost weight, though.
Instead of worrying about losing your husband, maybe you need to start with looking at yourself: specifically whether or not your excuses to avoid losing weight are really about YOU and have nothing at all to do with your husband, or your marriage.
This is exactly what my coaching client ended up realizing. She had been using her husband as an excuse to avoid changing her eating habits so that she could lose weight. It turned out that when she did change her eating behaviors (from the inside out!) that her husband and her friends really didn't care.
Imagine that! They honestly didn't care if she ate different than them on the weekends, which made it even clearer to her that her excuses about changing had only been her own. No one else had been stopping her from losing weight.
As my weight loss coaching client continued to consistently work the steps of my proven system to lose weight from the inside out, not only did she start losing weight but she began to see herself more clearly, without judgment or self-criticism. She noticed that she had been using her husband as an excuse for staying stuck in emotional eating and overweight for many years.
This was why it didn't help when her husband would tell her that he just wanted her to be happy with herself: because he was never the problem. It was her own fears that had been stopping her from changing to lose weight and using her husband as an excuse was due to her fears.
She couldn't see these things without coaching however, simply because most of us have trouble seeing our own blind spots. With the right coaching she was able to break free of her fears of losing him so that she could see herself clearly, stop making excuses to change, and then lose weight.
The Fight Was Only Between Her ... and HER
She realized that the only fight she'd been fighting was the fight between her and her; it hadn't been a fight with food, the fat on her body, or her marriage.
She experienced a transformation from the inside out and she now has the real inner power to stop using her husband as an excuse. The inner transformation is what made it easy for her to change her eating habits without struggle.
She's Already Lost 7 Pounds (Yay!!)
I'm always super happy for my clients when they break free. It's exciting to witness. And while I'm happy for my awesome client I've been telling you about in this article, what's even more exciting than her 7 pound weight loss is that she no longer fears that she'll lose her husband after she loses all 50 pounds.
The reason this is so exciting is she's no longer stopping herself from losing weight. She's not sabotaging herself. She's no longer in her own way (she's the only one who was in her way before — her husband was not the problem!).
She has released the fear and THIS is what is so important for you to know: you must release your fears in order to release the fat if you want to do it struggle-free and keep the fat off for life.
No One Can Stop You — Only You Can Stop You!
A common problem that stops smart, successful women from losing weight for good is thinking that other people are holding them back, just like my client experienced before working with me. Another common problem that stops you is thinking the fat on your body is the problem, when the fat is not what you've thought it was. If you want to drill down to what fat really is, it's F.A.T., which stands for Fear Attracting Thoughts.
It's your fears that drive your emotional eating, binge eating, compulsive overeating, food addiction and self-doubts. It was my client's fear of losing her husband that drove her to overeat and stay overweight. Does it make sense that at the bottom of the problem, it's your fears that make your body fat? The fear drives the unhealthy behaviors, which in turn makes it easy to stay unhealthy. The cycle continues until you learn how to break it.
It's your fears that drive your emotional eating, binge eating, compulsive overeating, food addiction and self-doubts.
The good news is that once you release all of the fears that are stopping you from losing weight and getting thin forever, you won't use your husband or anyone else as an excuse to remain overweight. You'll step into your own power, learn how to feel great about yourself and your body — and then you'll move forward with ease and joy to release the excess fat from your body, while allowing your marriage to become even better than it is today.
After all, all of your relationships begin with YOU, and the better you feel about yourself (and the body you live in), the better all of the relationships in your life will become.
What If You Move Forward Now?
What's the first step you can take now to begin releasing the fears that are stopping you from losing weight and becoming thin forever? Even if that first step is simply to write down all of the fears you're able to see that are stopping you, what if you were to take that first step right now?
After all, there's no better time than the present to start feeling great about YOU and to start moving towards your ideal body. Don't you agree?
Permanent weight loss coach JoLynn Braley coaches smart, successful women to struggle-free weight loss in 8 weeks or less. Start learning more about your mindset (it's 92.8% of the challenge!) in JoLynn's Free 5-Day e-Course (click here to get it now). It will help you answer the question "Is Your Mindset Fit Or Fat?" and help you discover what you can do about it!