Why does a lasting love relationship with the right partner seem so elusive, and so hard to attain? Did you miss the class where they gave out the secret formula to finding lasting love with your ideal partner? As a former psychology professor, I missed that class too, but I’ve spent the last two decades perfecting the formula.
I finally got it right when I met my devoted husband, Steve, over twelve years ago, and I’ve found that everything is much better when you have the right partner on your side.
Neither of us is perfect, but we’re a great match as partners and parents. We’re committed to our marriage, our family, and our future, and we’re there for each other for life’s challenges and adventures.
As a psychologist and relationship coach, I’m committed to guiding people like you to achieve their dreams of love. Since 1999, I’ve had the pleasure of helping hundreds of individuals and couples redesign their lives so they are truly happy, enjoying lasting relationships with wonderful partners.
If you’d like lasting love with the right partner for you, I invite you to join me for my free webinar: Finding Your Happily Ever After. Keep reading this article for the secret formula to lasting love!
Just like you, before I met my husband, I experienced heartache, disappointment, loneliness and loss. I understand that you may sometimes feel like giving up on your dreams, and settling for less than you really want. But in your heart, you know you want lasting love with the right partner.
What if all you had to do was follow 5 simple steps?
The first 5 steps of the secret formula are deceptively simple, though not necessarily easy. How much do you want a great relationship? I invite you to explore your priorities and notice how you spend your time and money. Are you willing to put in a fraction of the effort that you put into your career, your hobbies, your home, your friendships, your car, your cat or your hair?
So, if you still agree that finding that special someone is very important, here is the secret formula on how to grow love. These are the 5 C's to lasting love:
The first C in the Secret Formula is clarity. Clarify what you need and want in a romantic relationship. It’s critical to have a clear vision of the life and relationship you desire.
Every week, I hear stories about what happens when you don’t clarify what you need, and just get together with someone who shows up. Maybe you’re attracted to each other and you both enjoy dancing or hiking or jazz music.
This is where most people make a big mistake. They think that if we’re attracted and have something in common, we can be happy together. Yes, you may be happy together for a date or a short term recreational relationship. However, most of the time, the cute guy you meet in a bar is NOT a good long term match.
First, you need clarity about the type of relationship you want. Do you want a long term lasting relationship or are you just looking for something short-term and casual? Be honest with yourself and with anyone you date.
If you want lasting love with the right partner, you MUST clarify what’s essential for you and what’s negotiable. You really do need to identify ALL the things that need to be in place for you to be happy in a relationship AND don’t compromise on ANY of them.
Maybe you already started a list. Revisit your list and focus on what REALLY matters to you. This assignment can be challenging, and you may want to seek guidance from an expert here.
Clarify what needs to be there for YOU to be happy. Maybe it’s honesty, passion, financial security, and monogamy. Maybe it’s family and children. Maybe it’s travel and adventure.
For everything you put on your list, ask yourself: "Could a relationship possibly work for me if this was missing?"
If you want lasting love with the right partner, you need to be prepared to say "no" to a relationship where even one requirement is missing. It really is essential to gain clarity, and don’t settle for less than you want!
The second C in the Secret Formula is confidence: Believe in yourself and believe in your dreams!
Often, when my clients come to me, they are filled with doubt and uncertainty about ever having the kind of love they want. I’ve been helping people build their confidence and shift their impeding beliefs for the past 20 years.
How would your life be different if you felt confident and optimistic about creating the life and love you desire? (I know this is easier said than done and you may want support through this process.)
Just because you're single now doesn’t mean you’ll be single forever. You can build confidence by learning to love and accept yourself as you are.
Notice any ways that you make yourself wrong or find fault with yourself. Notice if you compare yourself negatively with others. Notice your self-talk.
I challenge you to treat yourself the way you would treat someone you loved. What if you only spoke to yourself in a way that is loving and kind, and treated yourself with great care and kindness? What if you truly believed, "I can have all the love and happiness that I desire."
What’s stopping you? Do you want to stay discouraged or would you like to feel confident? If this seems too challenging on your own, get support on your journey. You deserve the love, happiness, respect, and appreciation that you desire.
Are you willing to do whatever it takes to claim your confidence, and shine in your life and relationships?
The third C in the Secret Formula is connection!
People say they want great relationships, but their actions often tell another story. Notice how you show up in the world.
Are you busy, distracted, multi-tasking, looking at a phone, computer or TV? Are you fully present and engaged with people in your life or are you like most — too busy to stop and appreciate where we are and who we are with right now?
If you want meaningful relationships in your life, you need to show up and be fully present. You will improve all your relationships!
I challenge you to do one thing at a time. When you are with another person, put down the phone, turn off the TV, and step away from the computer. Be present with that person.
If you’re out on a date, stay in the moment, with your attention on the person in front of you. Try to maintain eye contact and be non-judgmental. That means you aren’t judging yourself or the other person. So, you’re not worrying about how you look or sound, you’re not judging what’s wrong with the person, you’re just present, open, and interested.
That means you show up — all of you, body, mind, and spirit and you share the gift of the present, without preconceived ideas of how it should be or judgment about how it isn’t right.
Pay attention to the people in your life. When you’re with them, be interested in them, notice something positive about them You will have more fun and better connections with others if you can stay in the present moment.
Connection is essential for good relationships! If you give people your full attention with interest, openness, and curiosity, they will be delighted to be around you!
4. Choosing wisely.
The fourth C in the Secret Formula is knowing how to choose wisely.
You are the chooser in your life. Life is not something that just happens to you. You can take an active part in creating the life you want.
And you get to choose a partner who is right for you. Yes, you want to show up and connect with everyone you meet… and most of them will not be ideal matches for you. You need to be discerning and clear in your communication.
If you are ready for lasting love or marriage, you need to let the people you are dating know this… and if they run they’re not right for you!
Don’t give everyone you date a trial run. Just because someone shows up in your life doesn’t mean he or she is right for you. Be discerning — you can clarify your requirements and only choose to date people who meet all of them. You deserve to be with someone who is a great match for you.
5. Consulting an expert.
The 5th C is perhaps the most important step in the Secret Formula. If you are serious about transforming your life and having a fabulous romantic relationship, don’t try to do it all alone. Get the support you need!
Your friends and family may have good intentions but they are probably not ideal experts to help you navigate on your journey to the life and love you desire.
You deserve to work with someone who has been there before, who has spent decades studying and training, who has helped hundreds of people just like you and who has a proven system to help you create a life you love with the love of your life.
Dr. Wendy Lyon can support you right now. Get a signed copy of her book Roadmap to Success with Deepak Chopra, which includes my complete Roadmap to Relationship Success. Take your free Free True Love Test and get a personalized analysis. This is a comprehensive assessment of what you need to have true love in your life.