Dr. Erica Goodstone (LMFT,LMHC,LPC,MA,MFT,NCC,Other,PhD)
you believe you have found "the one." What you may not realize is that there are some unconscious forces at play. After many years of ...
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Delaine, There is something not mentioned in your article about "perfect marriage." If we choose to marry a person we have fallen in love with, we feel those incredible feelings because they have connected us with a deep memory of some aspect of our early childhood caretaking experience. We tend to choose a partner who will help to trigger some early unmet needs and then, if we can stay connected, we just may be able to finally overcome some deep seated wound or insecurity. If we leave when the going gets tough, we may not have handled the issue that led to difficulties in the relationship. Then we may be prone to repeat those same dynamics in our next "love" relationship or else, we may choose to be with someone "safe" who we do not have that passionate feeling for. Couples who remain connected, regardless of how difficult some of the problems have been, can - with counseling and lots of authentic communication - create an enduring bond that is truly loving and tender, accepting and forgiving, and delightful. Yes, people can run from the pain of being intimately connected to someone who is behaving badly. But they may be running from one pain only to discover that the world out there is also extremely painful and dating may not bring the relief they were expecting.
Dr. Diana, That was an amazing video. I have worked with so many couples that have transformed before my eyes but I have never captured their experiences on video. Bravo for you. What a gift to others you are providing with your books and videos and your strong, confident, reassuring pressence! Warmly, DrErica
Posted on: How To Get Back Your Ex [VIDEO]
Hi, As a therapist working with individuals and couples, I have certainly seen my share of Facebook friends creating problems in a relationship. But I'm not so sure it is good to arbitrarily eliminate all potential sources of conflict. Sure, an old flame can reappear and temporarily re-ignite some old passion, and some men and women will foolishly throw caution to the wind and abandon their current relationship. But many others will have an innocent flirtation, maybe even share it with their partner, and not allow it to progress from there. What about flirtations with real live co-workers and neighbors? I don't think it is possible or practical for someone who has an attraction and flirtation going with a coworker to instantly quit their job to save their marriage. Many flirtations last for awhile and then sizzle out. Sometimes that gives a person that bit of spark and good feeling that may be currently lacking at home due to financial, career, family, health and other stresses. Sometimes an online friend can offfer the understanding and comfort that keeps a man or woman in their marriage. It seems to depend on the agenda and needs of both parties.
This is an inspiring post. Nice to see that there is hope for women in their 40's - and not just to be with men in their 60's or 70's, but men in their own age bracket who love them. We, as a society, need to see more of these tyes of relationships publicized instead of the stereotype of older men seeking 20 something, size 2, women.
Posted on: Celebrities Who Married In Their 40s
Debi, I imagine that many people ask you if you can teach them how to hypnotize their partner into loving them, as if you could just wave a magic wand and transform another person's lifelong internal modus operandi. Even though we are all quite similar in that we have emotions, we seek love, and we appear to want similar things from a beloved partner, we are all really quite different. Our desires and love responses are affected by those we meet but are triggered by what we have experienced in the past. Even if we could influence someone to "fall in love" with us now, if it is not based on a deep desire from within that person's psyche, in time that "hypnotic spell" would wear off. It is much better to be yourself, become the best "you" that you can be, and let the right partner discover the gold within you.
Posted on: Can You Hypnotize Someone To Love You?