It's time to stop bending over backwards.
Do you jump through hoops to please your partner, but no matter how hard you try, you simply never succeed at it? You change your behavior, allowing your partner to mold you into what he or she wants, turning you upside down and inside out ... it still doesn't work. You beat yourself up, trying so hard to change, but it's all for someone who will clearly never be satisfied!
That's a hard and hurtful place to feel stuck in. It both exhausting and defeating to feel you've done your very best for someone you love, but that it (and you) are never good enough.
You know what though, maybe it isn’t "you" that's the problem here. Sometimes, when your all isn't enough, it's just proof that you're with the WRONG PARTNER!
Remember, the goal in finding 'true love' is to find someone who loves you for who you really are. You should never need to overhaul yourself to make someone happy.
That said, before you assume you're with the wrong person, it's important to determine the source of trouble, so ask yourself these questions:
- Are you effectively communicating how you want and need your partner to love you?
- As a couple, are you complimentary or destructive to each other?
- Do you feel there is an equal amount of investment from both of you in the relationship?
When my clients are stuck in a situation like this, unsure of whether the issue is them or their partner, I use a few tools to help them look with new eyes at the dynamics of the relationship they are in. The first tool is making sure they understand their Love Language and their partner's. You can’t satisfy your partner if you don't know how they want to receive love from you, and vice versa. The truth is, most of us enter into a relationship with a very different way we need to receive love than that of our partner, so it's vitally important to communicate your Love Language to your partner and understand his or hers.
Another great introspective tool to better understand relationships is the Myers-Briggs test. This is a free personality test that breaks down your personality characteristics and (among other things) helps you identify which type of romantic personality you're best suited for. By learning each of your Myers-Briggs Personality Types (and understanding the characteristics of each), you can better identify where you and your partner clash and where you share important common ground. That said, please understand — the goal here is to understand your partner, not change him or her, or have them try to change you.
But what if you try these suggestions and end up running into a brick wall, with no hope that you can ever please your critical partner?
In that case, it's important to understand that you deserve a loving relationship that meets your needs, too. Ultimately, it takes two to make a relationship successful, you can’t do this alone. Compromise is a key part of any relationship and that requires compromise for your partner, too ... not just you.
Both of you must invest equally in learning about each other and trying to find a solution for any discord. But when you try and try (and try), and your partner is still never satisfied; when nothing you do is ever right or ever enough ... well, at that point, it's time to face facts: You're probably with the wrong person.
When you're in love (especially in a committed relationship), it can feel incredibly hard to end it or walk away. But, sometimes that is exactly what you need to do. Sometimes, you're just not in the right relationship and, when that happens, it's best to move forward so the RIGHT ONE can find you!
For more information on healthy dating, contact Deni Abbie.