Who Woulda Thought That It’s OK For A Guy To Feel His Feelings?


Who Woulda Thought That It’s OK For A Guy To Feel His Feelings?
As a man, feeling your feelings can transform your relationships and make you more powerful in them.

by Avnish Sabharwal for 21st Century Man

Feel your feelings.

This was a great practice that a Success Coach gave me and it can make a huge difference in being with all of yourself, which in turn lets you be more of you in relationship with folks. I used to (and admittedly sometimes still do) try to avoid feeling fear – I’ll numb it out by distracting myself, rationalizing it, having someone convince me otherwise, etc. But what has really made the difference is realizing that my fear has a beginning, middle and end. When I actually experience my fear I do get to an end state where I realize that I don’t die and it doesn’t go on forever. It’s simple, obvious, but pretty amazing.

I was actually used to treating my fears like they were a pitiful person in the room that you avoid eye contact with. I was ignoring my need to be afraid and have it not mean anything. I was disallowing myself compassion and it was resulting in constant worry and belief that my fears were totally real.

I found myself cutting off most of my feelings that I judged as negative – sadness, anger, jealousy, insecurity. This didn’t have them go away, I was just a pro at avoided them and acting like I didn’t have them. What’s also sad about this is that by limiting my experience on the “downside” feelings I limited my experience on the upside. I wasn’t able to fully feel joy, gratitude, wonder, and peace to name a few.

This is impactful in regards to relationships. By feeling my feelings through I was able to release trying to control all my experiences which has allowed me to be free in my interactions with others at a new level. By my feelings not dictating my life, I’m able to get back to focusing on what I want in my relationships and creating that.

With my partner, this has allowed me to release interpreting what she says from my feelings of the moment, and when I am I can see it and say so. I’m also able to be with her feelings and not create a “feelings war” where my feelings are battling hers and we’re both fighting for our feelings instead of getting what we need and moving forward.

This has amazingly limited the old pattern of feelings building up and then months later resulting in a fight to get enough of the feelings out so that we could go back to doing the same thing until the next time feelings build up too high to control. What I’ve noticed is that we’re expressing our feelings authentically more often without an attachment to them being real. This leaves us more connected and with much lower peaks and valleys because we practice being with our feelings and not having feelings be so serious.

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Recent Expert Posts
Couple Cooking Healthy Dinner

Is Dr. Oz Full Of S%#T?

In wake of the recent Dr Oz scandal, consumers are wondering, should he be trusted?

Neglected Wife

7 Reasons You Are Still Single

Are you tired of the single status?

Computer Problems

Dear Dr. Romance: He said I was a false friend.

You need to stop living in a fantasy world, and base your life on reality, not romantic daydreams.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>