I BelieveHas betrayal through emotional or physical infidelity hit you in the gut so you cannot breathe? I can help. I have been in practice for 35 years. and have tools to help you create and individualized steps to get out of this no-win situation. My approach focuses on common sense, structured exercises and creating some logical order out of emotional chaos. It is possible to rebuild trust after betrayal. Let's get started today. Call for your free 30 minute consultation now.
I believe that trust in relationships is a major force in having satisfaction in our personal and professional lives. Trust is what allows us to share our most intimate thoughts, deepest fears, and most tender needs. I have built a successful practice by being a trust builder and solution finder through the use of humor, wisdom and a large array of therapeutic tools. My work is grounded in my experience as a magna cum laude psychology graduate from the University of Miami, and in my master's degree education in clinical social work from Barry University. Co-creating a new master;s program in marital and family therapy at St.Thomas University was invaluable in teaching me how to structure methods to achieve goals. As your Relationship Coach I serve as an experienced architect to help you design a blueprint for increasing confidence and a sense of well being in all your important relationships.
I DON'T KNOW WHY I DID IT.
Sam called extremely upset that he had an affair that his wife Jen had asked him to leave the house. He and Jen appeared composed when they arrived at my office but the scene quickly changed to tears and recriminations. "Why.". "I don't know why." was the theme in the first session. The two had been married 12 years. Sam was a mid level executive in the entertainment industry. Jen had worked in accounting until they had their child and then became a stay at home Mom. Both had quiet personas. Both described themselves as not assertive. Sam was truly bewildered as to what motivated him to stray outside his own moral code. He declared he loved Jen and their CHILDREN and wanted the marriage to survive and thrive. Jen was overcome with tears and wanted Sam one moment and was angry and rejecting another moment. This had been the pattern since the discovery. more
The backstory was that Sam had been asked out to lunch by a prominent woman in the community to supposedly discuss ways she could support his current project. During the course of that lunch the woman expressed an interest in him personally and then kissed him in the parking lot. She persued him and they began a torrid affair for several months. He said he felt hypnotized but Jen did not buy it.
Sam was determined to do whatever it took to repair his marriage. This was not easy as Jen was filled with rage, recriminations and threats to leave. He never waivered, always taking responsibility for his actions and listening non defensively for 8 months.
Over the course of counseling Jen and Sam learned how to listen to each other. Our work together helped calm the intense negative emotions and they lessened in intensity and frequency over time. We then worked to uncover the reason for the affair. It is important to note that their are reasons but not excuses for choosing to go outside of the relationship. Sam noted the difference consistently. "We got caught up in minutia of every day life and forgot the nurture one another.". By being in a safe space, the couple was able to reveal their deepest feelings without fear of being misunderstood or condemned. Over time this allowed them to build a connection which both agreed they had NEVER experienced before.
Therapy taught them the skills of listening and being open to the others reality. It allowed Sam to see that he had been self centered and withdrawn prior to the affair. His fear of losing what was so dear to him caused a transformation in his thinking. He began being cooperative and understanding of Jen and the children's needs where before they irritated him. This allowed Jen to work on forgiveness and opine that the present relationship was so much richer and more satisfying. Perhaps what gave this terrible trauma to have meaning.
Even though the crisis has passed, Sam and Jen practice awareness and daily rituals that acknowledge the other person and show love in behavior. "We now take time to really talk." They have learned to communicate in a way that builds trust and closeness. Indeed, their greatest fear is of complacency so
they check in with me every 6 months.