Marriages will either end in death or divorce. Even picture-perfect marriages have the potential to end in the latter. It can take the smallest thing to spark the idea of divorce; those seemingly innocuous mistakes made at the worst possible moment can undermine a lifetime of love and affection.
“When Eddie blames me, I react so fast, before I have a chance to get my adult self onboard. I’m explaining and defending before I can even take a breath,” Lori told me in one of our sessions. I knew exactly what she was talking about, as I had struggled with this same challenge for years.
Given our busy lives, it is no wonder that many of us have difficulty keeping up with friendships. But for individuals with ADHD, maintaining healthy friendships can be even a bigger struggle than for most. How does one balance the many demands that life puts upon us while keeping our vital connections to those people we truly value?
Identifying the problem areas in ones' marriage is relatively easy, but the difficult part is ferreting out effective mechanisms to bridge the communication gap that often occurs when one’s partner has ADD. Knowledge, patience, and empathy go a long way in working on these issues.
Many people are attracted to individuals with ADD for their zany sense of humor, imagination, creativity, charm and “out of the box” thinking. But for many couples those attractive qualities can sometimes fade in the light of untreated ADD. I receive hundreds of calls and e mails from frustrated partners of individuals with ADD (POADD’s) asking if I could please work with their partner in assisting with the various aspects of ADD that are affecting the quality of their lives and relationships.
Your fears, anxieties, and other problems have the best of you and you don’t know where to turn for help. At some point you feel totally helpless as you struggle each day. You can have all the money in the world and be well known by many people, but when it comes down to it, none of it matters when it comes to dealing with your persistent fears and anxieties. Fame, money, and success will not take away your fears.
This past month, I have been enrolled in a 7 week therapist’s course given by Melissa Orlov on the ADHD effects on marriage. Melissa, who is an expert on this subject, and who has written the book (by the same name) The ADHD Effects on Marriage, offers its’ readers one of the most comprehensive and clearly written books that I have read on this subject.
I have had the pleasure of knowing Melissa Orlov over the past few years and when asked recently to write a “six word biography,” She wrote “Failed marriage resuscitated. Now helping others.” Melissa has blended her personal experience of coming back from the brink of divorce with an ADHD spouse with knowledge about ADHD in adults, becoming one of the top experts in how ADHD impacts relationships. I asked Melissa if she would be willing to answer some important quiestions regarding the problems facing couples with ADHD and she graciously accepted.
What can you do when your spouse stresses you out? Instead of yelling at one another, there are ways to reduce conflicts and your stresses. Here are some suggestions on how to not let your spouse stress you out. Talk with your spouse about your problem. If you can, ask your spouse if she is having any problems and if there is anything you can do about it. Talking with your spouse is very important and can prevent potential conflicts from turning into arguments.
All most everybody worries about what will happen in the future regarding their relationships. The prospect of not knowing if something good or bad will happen to you in the near future can produce a lot of fear and anxiety. As a result, here is a list of techniques and suggestions on how to manage this fear of dealing with the unknown.