The ambiguity if separation can be personal torture. It shatters your self-worth and confidence, add to your financial stress, challenge your identity, and increase worries about taking care of your child(ren). Worse yet it the length of separation; a 2012 study completed at Ohio State University indicated that the average length of first separation was three years! If you know the relationship is going to end and that you are going to hire a lawyer, why wait?
Lannie* is a bright and charming young woman. At 21, she is out on her own working part time, going to school part time at the local community college, and trying to find her way in the world. She and her family have been through some tough times. Her parents divorced when she was nine, which started the seemingly endless back-and-forth living between two different homes and trying to make sense out of a life that was spiraling out of her control.
Buried in between all the unhealthy relationships that never turned out the way I wanted them to, in between all those heartbreaking dramatic episodes with guys that could never give me what I was so looking for, there were a few men who were what I now recognize as really healthy, relationship material kind of guys. But at the time I was just not open to seeing them that way; instead I continued to chase the unhealthy romantic fantasies about love that I had in my head.
“Why,” you may ask, “should I want to maintain a good relationship with my ex? We are splitting up. We don’t like each other. In fact, I am so angry that I can’t even imagine a “good” relationship. What does that even look like??” Here’s why: if you have a child together you will be seeing each other forever and though it may be hard to imagine today, you may also have grandchildren in common some day.
I was obsessed with the idea of love when I was a little girl. Love was Shaun Cassidy gazing at me with his heart-stopping hazel eyes from the poster on my wall or the beautifully coiffed Andy Gibb serenading me from one of my first-ever 45’s. Love was Christopher Atkins in his tiny Tarzan-like loin cloth hunting food for Brooke Shields on a deserted island. Love was bad-boy-in-leather, Danny, stealing the heart of pretty-in-pearls Sandy. Love was heart-stopping, pulse racing, can’t-get-enough-of-it-love.
If you are single and ready to date, number one rule is to not feel any resentment with your past relationships. This rule is important especially for women, because after one relationship has ended we have to give a chance and open up our hearts for the new one to thrive; otherwise we tend to repeat the same mistake again. Give yourself a chance to fall in love again. Yours truly AstroCoach
When you watch TV, your favorite show on your iPad or look through a magazine, one thing appears very clear. Others are having great sex. If you are feeling as though yours doesn’t compare, you may begin wondering what is wrong with your sex life. This would be an error in your thinking, because TV sex, magazine sex, and other media forms of sex are rarely true. They are airbrushed and taken in short, carefully scripted clips. There is no passion on the set, and the actors don’t have bad breath, stinky socks, or bad timing.
So you have been married for many years and you now find yourself in your late 40s and 50s in the unexpected situation of getting a divorce. When you got married you probably thought that this would be forever, and now you probably find yourself, hurt, angry and probably a bit stunned. I have a couple of clients in at this age who find themselves somewhat lost, somewhat bewildered - with their dreams of a perceived “stable” future as a pipe dream.
Why, I asked my mirror image, did the sighting of a UFH (unwanted facial hair) inspire the same level of fear and loathing as a dead rodent?