I have the wonderful opportunity of having many educators in my life. Several of my dearest friends are educators. Many of my colleagues work in the school setting. I knew at an early age that education would be important in my own life and pursued an education undergraduate degree. Although, I have never been a “teacher” in a classroom filled with kids, I have been an educator to many through the trainings that I do. My favorite topic to train educators on is “Strategies for Educating Traumatized Children.”
Today was a bit of a tough day at work. I sat with a family who has weathered one of the worst storms that a person could ever imagine…childhood sexual abuse. Children, under the age of 5, traded for sex and video taped for porn. Now, a decade later, these children have to deal with their inner demons. No, they are no longer living with the people who did this to them. No, they have no contact at all with anyone from that part of their life. Yes, they are physically safe. Yes, their heart and their minds are changed forever.
You know, women complain constantly: “I just can’t seem to meet any men.” “Ooh, I just can’t meet any men.” But yet when a man approaches, they run away as quickly as possible. “Oh my God, he’s talking to me! I need to run and run and run and run…”
WARNING: I will be ranting today! I have some major energy in the above topic. So, if you are easily offended or sensitive, please stop reading now and return for a later blog! That said, let’s chat about tolerance versus acceptance. I see the word “tolerance” everywhere…teach kids tolerance, we need to tolerate others, human resources departments that have tolerance policies…ugh! This drives me crazy. The reality is that tolerance is much different and less positive than acceptance!
Anger is a powerful, strong emotion, so we need powerful, strong strategies to help release that anger. As adults, we need to have our anger strategies figured out before we attempt to figure that out with our own children. Then, we must remember that our children's emotions are their emotions, not ours.
As a therapist who sees teenagers, I get this questioned posed to me often…Stacy, I don’t want my child to drop out of school, but they refuse to go and I don’t know what to do. What should I do? I often approach this topic from “what is your child communicating to the rest of us that we aren’t hearing?”
One thing you can usually depend on with men (other than leaving the toilet seat up), is that you can take our words at face value. Our speech is primarily goal-oriented and our words can be taken literary. One important example to the contrary, however, is the phrase, “I’ll call you.” On the surface, this phrase sounds simple enough: Three little words that seem to promise a future interaction.
This decision about whether to stay in or leave your relationship is important. It is not just you and your partner who will be affected, it is an even more significant decision. These six questions can help you decide whether to stay in or leave your relationship:
There is no real test that you take before marriage, and couples are not usually open to talking about their expectations when it comes to sex in marriage. As a clinical sexologist I have studied couples sexual habits and worked with many couples on improving their sex lives for years. There are a few factors that go into sexual compatibly, many are psychological, but some are on a chemical biological level couples may not realize at first. There are many factors that go into sexual compatibility.