Jerry came to my office because of the “pressure” from his wife. “If I don’t change my involvement with the family, my wife threatened to kick me out,” Jerry said with a tired look on his face. As I completed the mental health evaluation, Jerry mentioned he felt blah throughout the day and consequently didn’t have much energy to do things with the family. He described his home life as demanding, as he tried to “please” his wife and kids. He did not sleep well and struggled to get up in the morning.
Do you have major communication blocks that are potholes for emotional and physical intimacy? Or maybe the road conditions that are keeping your relationship from a smooth ride are those nasty hairpin turns of expectation, insecurities and fear. To get out of the ditches focus your attention on the fact that your relationship is not about "you" or "him" but instead it's about being a couple and understanding what it takes to create lasting love.
As a scientist and closet nerd, I've known my share of nerdy men. They're great guys, but if you aren't accustomed to being around them, here are a few things you can do to ensure success.
When you have a spat with your guy, do you resort to the silent treatment? Maybe you pout until he caves in to your way of thinking, because that’s what always works with everyone else. Perhaps this tactic: fleeing the scene, refusing to engage at all ... then pretending that nothing happened once tempers cooled down. Most of us form a pattern of dealing with those we are most vulnerable to as a means of protection from possible emotional hurt. It is so ingrained that one may not even be aware that it is a hinderance to a connected, stable and loving relationship.
I SEE MARRIED PEOPLE I see married people. Everywhere. And they’re happy, at least to the naked eye. What goes on behind closed doors is anybody’s guess but that’s probably just the cynic in me talking. Truth be told, I keep my eyes open for these happy couples because I need to believe that that could be me again, one of these days; Happy and in love. As hard as I try, and I have tried, Lord knows, I have yet to give up on love completely even though it seems to have given upon me.
"Does it count if we are all sitting in the car going through the drive-in?" "How can we schedule a family dinner together if this kid has soccer and this kid has piano lessons and I have a Zumba class?"
Wouldn’t it be fun to combine two of the things you love most, good food and sex? Food has been used for thousands of years to enhance our love lives and spice up our erotic play. What you eat (and of course, where and how you eat it) can have a direct impact on your sex life, affecting your hormones, brain chemistry and energy and stress levels. Some foods affect our moods, others arouse us because they are psychologically suggestive, and some can actually increase blood flow to the genitals.
Red flags: those signs you can spot so easily in your best girlfriend’s relationship are often difficult to recognize in your own. It’s those subtle, yet you-know-something’s-not-right feelings that are rationalized away which creates obstacles to lasting love. As a relationship coach, I hear stories from women who want to believe they are somehow overreacting to uneasy vibes in a relationship. Most of the time, they describe cautionary cues pointing to what they are trying to hide from themselves: the end of the dream of lasting love with that person.
It's time for some tough talk about the male waistline — specifically what's right above it and what's right below.
While I have been coaching both men and women for over a decade, what I really enjoy about coaching each gender is very different. What I love most about coaching women is feeling like I am getting to share with them all of the secrets about men that men never tell them. I have always loved being able to give women a tour inside the mind of a man, so that they truly understand men and how they're wired.