Today's post will explore avoiding boredom, which can set in when we have the same old routines, same old conversations, the same old avoidance of hot topics and generally start taking each others presence for granted. Boredom opens the door to several giant killers of relationship. It can lead to affairs, and it can also throw us right over into the opposite ditch of contempt, as we begin to think we know everything about our spouse and stop actually listening to them.
Do you love Valentine's Day or do you wage a war on all things red and pink as the day of love approaches? It was less than four days after Christmas when I saw the first virtually all red shopping aisle infused with splashes of pink and fuchsia. My tree was still up, its light timer was still active and I hadn’t eaten all of my red and green m&ms! Seriously... we hadn’t even celebrated the New Year! Yet despite the scores of people likely struggling to recover from the winter holiday roster...
The cultural stereotype is that it’s great to be a man. Not only do we have shorter lines at the rest room, but we make scads more money and can reach things on higher shelves in the marketplace. We don’t have to deal with double standards or glass ceilings, and we’re raised to have confidence and high self-esteem, so we can all comfortably act like the Sean Connery version of James Bond.
People date, putting their best foot forward, to acquire the relationship they want. If you are married, you succeeded at the Compatibility Stage of Relationships, deciding you and your spouse had enough in common to make a lifetime commitment to each other. Congratulations!
Think about the most annoying people in your life, whether it is a partner, a boss, a friend or someone else close to you. In these relationships you seem to lose track of yourself and you can’t figure out how or why, but before you know it you are acting like a maniac or you are feeling constantly uncertain. You can look back in history and see you have not behaved this way in any other relationships but in this particular relationship you seem to get hooked every time. Why do certain people have this power over us? These people make us feel crazy.
Do you ever feel pressured to be with some one for Valentines Day when in your heart of hearts you are really ok with being alone? I recently did a reading for a woman who was really down on herself. Why? Because all of her friends are in long term relationships and married and she is still single. As we continued to talk, she began to pour out her heart.
I received the following email from a young man who had read one of my articles: "One topic that I feel that I haven't seen covered much is the issue of body-image related stress, anxiety and insecurity, and how to fight it. We all age. Personally, I am 27 years old, and rapidly going from a handsome full-headed young man to a completely bald individual in a very looks-dependent society. This process has been devastating to my mental well being in the last 3 years.
Next time you run out the door, stop, face your mate, let your lip to lip kiss linger long enough to remember how much there is to appreciate in a sweet, three second moment.
Your relationship has been going strong for the past five months. You feel like this may be the one. Your new boyfriend has been attentive and has given you the impression that he wants to take things to the next level. Then all of a sudden, it happens. You feel him pull away. He used to call you every day, now he sends you a text. He used to ask you out for the weekend, now he doesn’t mention when he will see you again. You ask him what is wrong. He tells you nothing is wrong—he’s just busy.
Valentine’s Day—the ultimate day of romance, fairy tales, and absolutely ideal intimacy. This year, how about something else—how about honoring your relationship and your sexuality by doing a reality check on an issue that complicates, confuses, and frustrates a lot of people? Porn. His porn.