I’ve wondered often how I, who was in the convent for a year, could have become the authority-free woman I am today. Of us nine kids, I probably took Church rules the most seriously. I remember urging my teen brother in the 1950’s to ”be careful” on his dates. I hadn’t understood what sex was about until I was myself a teen, so I took it on myself to encourage siblings to follow the rules.
Divorce means big change. It's a big deal; income, health insurance, homes — spouses come with a whole slew of things.
The answer is yes, most people will take the time to make their relationship better if given the proper tools to do so. Being pro-active in your relationship: Far too many people will sit around and wait for the other person to do something to make the relationship better. The biggest problem with this is that it never happens. The reason is because the other person cannot read your mind or begin to make you happy, fulfilled or satisfied without you telling them how to do it.
Everyone knows it takes three trimesters to hear the first cries of a newborn baby. But did you know it takes three trimesters to give birth to a real solid relationship?
Jerry came to my office because of the “pressure” from his wife. “If I don’t change my involvement with the family, my wife threatened to kick me out,” Jerry said with a tired look on his face. As I completed the mental health evaluation, Jerry mentioned he felt blah throughout the day and consequently didn’t have much energy to do things with the family. He described his home life as demanding, as he tried to “please” his wife and kids. He did not sleep well and struggled to get up in the morning.
Do you have major communication blocks that are potholes for emotional and physical intimacy? Or maybe the road conditions that are keeping your relationship from a smooth ride are those nasty hairpin turns of expectation, insecurities and fear. To get out of the ditches focus your attention on the fact that your relationship is not about "you" or "him" but instead it's about being a couple and understanding what it takes to create lasting love.
As a scientist and closet nerd, I've known my share of nerdy men. They're great guys, but if you aren't accustomed to being around them, here are a few things you can do to ensure success.
When you have a spat with your guy, do you resort to the silent treatment? Maybe you pout until he caves in to your way of thinking, because that’s what always works with everyone else. Perhaps this tactic: fleeing the scene, refusing to engage at all ... then pretending that nothing happened once tempers cooled down. Most of us form a pattern of dealing with those we are most vulnerable to as a means of protection from possible emotional hurt. It is so ingrained that one may not even be aware that it is a hinderance to a connected, stable and loving relationship.
I SEE MARRIED PEOPLE I see married people. Everywhere. And they’re happy, at least to the naked eye. What goes on behind closed doors is anybody’s guess but that’s probably just the cynic in me talking. Truth be told, I keep my eyes open for these happy couples because I need to believe that that could be me again, one of these days; Happy and in love. As hard as I try, and I have tried, Lord knows, I have yet to give up on love completely even though it seems to have given upon me.
"Does it count if we are all sitting in the car going through the drive-in?" "How can we schedule a family dinner together if this kid has soccer and this kid has piano lessons and I have a Zumba class?"