Finding SELF after divorce can be tricky, especially if you don’t have SELF well defined. When I talk with my clients about self they often feel uneasy because to them SELF equals selfish. This is absolutely not true. SELF to me is your mind, body and spirit. All three of these need to be nourished after divorce, so the real you can fully emerge. And only then, do you have more to give to others.
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For most of us, dating is fun. You get to go out, meet new people and enjoy learning new activities and trying new places. It makes us come out of our shells. We also learn a lot about ourselves such as what we like, what we don’t like, and how we handle conflict. Dating is important, and I usually suggest dating several people before committing to one. Dating after a long term relationship or marriage is not the same. Everything seems different when you go back on the market again looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right. You’re a different person the second or third time around.
I watched a young couple having dinner, noting that the whole evening passed without them looking at anyone else in the room. She did a lot of "gender signaling”—she tossed back her head, and smiled and laughed a lot--acting as though she found her young man profoundly entertaining.
Lisa settles into the couch, rests her hand to her stomach, and smiles when she feels a tiny kick. Late afternoon sunlight filters across gleaming tables, and the neat array of family photos, and spotless ornaments. Minutes later she’s on her feet screaming abuse at Geoff. How could he come home like that, dump his coat onto the chair, grab a beer, and once again put his shoes up on the coffee table! “Calm down honey” he says “it’s my home too! Hire a cleaner, and stop fussing so much.”
I know this sounds crazy, but I believe it is best to prepare for divorce before you even get married. As a romantic, I hate this. As a divorce attorney, mediator and coach, I've seen the worst of the worst walk through my office door and cannot tell you how priceless this advice actually is. Being prepared for the unexpected may be one of the smartest decisions you'll ever make.
By Debi Berndt
If you are frustrated with no results, take these steps to move forward and onto true love. If you have been single for months, or even years, you probably feel like your search for love has been way too long. During the dating process your emotions may range between hope and despair. There is a point where most singles reach when nothing they have done has translated into something tangible – a life partner.
Do You Want To Be Right Or Be Happy In Your Relationship? Perhaps you’ve heard the question asked before, “Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” It applies in many contexts, though today we are talking about your relationship.
By Joe Beam
She could not look people in the eye as they greeted her. Head down, shoulders slumped; she headed to the nearest open seat and quietly slid into it. Her husband was a study in contrast. Confident, gregarious, he firmly shook hands and made polite small talk before striding over to sit beside his wife. Years before she had been a decorated officer in the military. A leader of men and women. Shrinking violets do not earn those positions, so it was obvious the woman in that seat was only a shell of the woman she used to be.
D-E-B-T is a dirty four letter word in any love relationship. Money seems to be a sensitive subject for most, yet the topic cannot be avoided when you’re sharing your life with someone. As debt surfaces in your relationship, the tensions rise and daily interactions between you and your partner drastically change. For folks who have debt that is out of control, they are often stuck in a spiral of negative emotions. Feelings that can range from regret to shame, guilt to embarrassment, hopelessness to despair, disappointment to depression, worry to fear and frustration to rage. As arguments escalate and fears rise, the feelings can become more than either person can handle. You’re left feeling like the world is spinning out of control and you’re not quite sure how to get off the ride.
This guest article from Psych Central was written by Suzanne Phillips, Psy.D. When one partner "wrongs" another, the ensuing guilt can have a major impact on the relationship. Let's take a look at apologies and why they can be reparative: An Apology — The Expression of Guilt