We can't control the future. We can't control the outcome of most events in our lives. We can, however, control how we choose to respond to the fear-based "what-if" thoughts that descend on our minds like an avalanche and try to pull us away from this moment, right here, right now.
In the 43 years I have been counseling individuals, I have worked with many who have suffered from severe physical, emotional, and/or sexual abuse in childhood. Many of those who sought my help were suffering from fear and anxiety, depression, various addictions, relationship problems and sexual problems.
Christian Grey is a predator, but one that we can imagine taming; just enough so he will be a mate, but not so much that he becomes boring. He's darkly erotic, powerfully sexy and ready to be "cured." What a fantasy! He is the quintessential "wounded guy". That's the real draw to this story and why it's topping the bestseller lists.
Do you keep on attracting the same guy over and over? That one that just won’t commit, or just seems to want a little “you know what” and nothing else…Wondering why you keep attracting the same man in a different body? Did you know your “manifestation mindset” could be holding you back in love? Do you find yourself scratching your head wondering – WHERE ARE ALL THOSE QUALITY MEN!?!? In our 7 years of working with single women – we find them asking these questions over and over.
Getting to know your own body and all your pleasure zones is a dauting task. One myth I like to bust is that people think you should just "know" what turns you on. That's not the case though, it takes time, courage and lots of alone time to get down to the oohhs and ahhhs. However, even when people are alone, they are sometimes without a map! I have created a video for women (to get to know themselves better) and men (to get to know their ladies better) that will help introduce all of your erogenous zones.
A tip for dating is to take the time to put a dating plan into action so that you can be successful in your quest for love. Many of you are probably groaning to yourselves as you read this and thinking, “A dating plan? That sounds like work!” And thus, we come to the intial phase of your dating plan, which is to decide:
1. Safety: Are you physically, mentally, emotionally or verbally harmed? Are there times you are afraid of what your partner will do or say? Are there times that seeing your partner fills you with dread? 2. Self-esteem: Do you feel guilty, "less-than", not good enough, not worthy in your relationship? Does your partner criticize your behavior, your looks, or any other traits and qualities? Do you own that criticism and internalize it? Do you beat yourself up because of what you've done or continue to do?
Do you find yourself doing, doing, doing for everyone but yourself and then feeling consumed by guilt when you decide to take time for you or set limits around your availability or what you’re willing to do for others? Do you label yourself as “selfish” when you want to do something for yourself or even by yourself? Do you ever feel ashamed because there are times you don’t want to do anything for anybody else?
Ironically, People Who Feel Too Much are always attracting people who pour out their hearts and you probably have profound healing and counseling abilities yourself. I know it may be hard to believe it now but feeling “too much” is a profound asset, both personally and professionally.
Just how well do we read our intimate partners? As long as we’re composed, we’re generally pretty good at it. But whenever our threat emotions (i.e. anxiety and anger) are triggered, accuracy goes right out the window. Emotion-driven misinterpretations spell trouble for relationships. They lead to escalating accusations, disappearing trust and constricting hearts. If only we could recognize how emotions shape perceptions, we could restore close connections with our partner. That’s the aim of this primer.