In intimate relationships the key to making it last is constant CONNECTION, not necessarily communication.
Based on brain chemistry, and what we understand from functional MRIs...
--Did you know that for women connecting means that she needs to feel heard, appreciated, and safe?
--Did you know that for men connecting means that he feels like he is the provider and protector?
If you can figure out how your partner feels connected, then it will help you to stay intimate. When I talk about connection, I am refering to that feeling of being loved.
*** Join Jason and Kelly when they TAKEOVER YourTango's Facebook page this Thursday, July 28th at 2pm eastern. Jason and Kelly will be live and answering your questions about Facebooking as a couple, parents, grandparents and covering all of the sticky situations we get into on social network sites. Join us at 2pm on Thursday, July 28th for this live event.***
The task of filing paperwork is often the most hated and avoided in any office. The same is true about our email inbox! The good news is that it's not so hard as many people think to establish and maintain your filing when you have a system.
If you start your day by sitting at your cluttered desk or an inbox filled with unanswered emails, you set yourself up for an increased level of stress and lack of productivity from the beginning of your day.
As a matchmaker and dating coach in Washington, DC, a town full of sharp, successful, powerful women, I often hear the line, “Men are intimated by me”. When I hear this, I listen patiently and empathetically and then, when the time is right, I explain that it’s just not true. I speak with men every single day, and I have the inside scoop - the 411 on how men really feel.
As a couples therapist, I have a pretty good idea of what people struggle with the most in their intimate relationships. It's not what you think. It's not about sex or finances but rather something deeper that impacts everything.
Emotional Safety
It started in 2007, when Clarion Health (Indianapolis) and Scotts (Ohio) began charging employees for unhealthy habits, particularly smoking. Macy’s is the latest to start doing the same, along with PepsiCo, Union Pacific and Gannett. This isn’t just controversial or potentially illegal; it is the worst way to get people to change how they take care of themselves. While on the one hand it does cost less to employ people that choose healthier lifestyles than those that don’t.
Is a long self-improvement list stuck on your refrigerator so you won’t forget any of the flaws in your personality that need improving? Do you have it taped to your bathroom mirror? Have you shared your goals with a friend who checks with you every day to see how well you are doing?
Do you have an internal “personal improvement list” so you can change your relationship, career, personality, weight, or any of the other myriad goals we humans strive to improve in our lives?
How do these lists help you?
While most of the time, those of us who offer couples counseling and/or write about relationships try to stay positive, every now and again reality sucker-punches us back to our senses.
The fact remains that despite all the wise advice doled out over the years, we haven’t budged the divorce rate in the U.S. Most relationships fail — there’s simply no way to argue with it.
Natalie and Ashton did it this year. Kristen Wiig did it with that dude with the Porsche in Bridesmaids. JT and Mila are totally doing it this summer. The whole friends-with-benefits thing is SO on trend.
But… is it healthy? And can it really be done with no strings attached? Have a seat. Let's talk.
I recently went out on a first date with a stylish, charming man of French (Quebecois) descent. And when our conversation moved into that of relationships (which it inevitably does with me) he suddenly caught me off guard by stating : “I believe in commitment…but not monogamy.”
His admission left me quite tongue-tied. I’ve never met someone who came right out and said so; or rather, I’ve never DATED someone who believed so. And the more he explained his position to me, the quieter and more pensive I became…
