By Leslie Rouder, LCSW,CHt It has long been known that circus elephants have historically been trained to stay tethered to a post by attaching heavy chains to their legs when they are very young so that when they yank or pull at these chains, they are unable to break free. Within a short amount of time, they give up trying, having learned that it is useless. From that moment on, they no longer need a heavy chain to hold them because anytime they feel any resistance, no matter how heavy or light the chain, they give up trying, having incorporated the
By Leslie Rouder, LCSW,CHt Very often I will hear a parent tell me that his child could not possibly have ADD because he is able to play video games for long hours without being distracted in the least. Or that one’s spouse can watch a football game without ever being distracted.
"Do you think women should email men when online dating?" Without hesitation, I told her "Yes!" Not only is it okay to email men when dating online, it's a useful tactic. Here's why.
You sit silently while you hear those dreaded words “I just don’t think this relationship is going to work.” You know the time for pleas on giving it one more try is gone. There is no need to argue. You feel the certainty and finality of the words. And when you find the strength to stand up, you walk away knowing that you will never be with this person again. The beginning of the end is here. This journey you must walk alone. And it is a painful path.
The issues that prevent a rapid adjustment to life after divorce are emotion-based and, as such, cannot be solved logically. All we can do is dissolve the disruptive energy they cause. For example, you got divorced and it's painful. You cannot "solve" the problem of divorce because, regardless of what you do, you are still divorced. The pain is the problem.
Imagine for a second how simple dating would be if we conducted it like a dog. Stay with me on this while I elaborate ... If we were dogs, this is how we might go about meeting one another. Our masters would take us to a park where we all can play with each other. We could casually run into each other. Then we'd immediately sniff each other (no details needed here about how dogs would do this) – maybe see if we each have good breath. If we have chemistry, then perhaps we can have our master throw the ball so we can play together.
A newly divorced man will want the comfort of a relationship but may want independence at the same time. He needs time to feel his way through to a new way of life.
Many of my clients have walked out of the closet a little later in life and are dealing with being single and struggling with dating. Some of my readers have been telling me they are recently out. I want to share a little about my own coming out story and a very big "ah-ha" moment that changed my approach to "being out".
Narcissism is a clinical term for what generally boils down to selfishness. Narcissistic people want their way, pay insufficient attention to what others want and can be pretty tough to get along with because if they don't do what you want, they are likely to get angry.
Here is a seven-step process designed to guide you through the next leg of your journey and to get you excited about the future that lies ahead.