There is a point of choice. Yes, it's easy to feel frustrated, cold, crabby, temporarily doomed and miserable. These feelings are normal in the wake of a disaster of this proportion. Tension, anxiety, overwhelm, helplessness and depressed feelings are all part of it. You can choose to fight these feelings or sink in them. Sinking is normal but don't stay there too long.
Keeping the sexual intimacy alive in a marriage is a choice and it does require some work.
In most families mom and dad are both working. Financial stressors, and keeping up with busy kids; there isn’t time enough for anything including each other. The first thing to get deleted off our calendars is usually playtime together as a couple. Playtime is thought of as wasteful, and we have our hands full making sure our kids get a little time outdoors. If you ask yourself when the last time was that you played with your partner, you may smile and remember back to pre-marriage days.
I got it! I'm as stuck regarding my reluctant release of papers and unsorted boxes as my friend—I'll call him Pat—is about his depression. I was feeling pretty good about my coaching of Pat who let himself get back into depression. I'd just heard a tape by Tony Robbins who suggested changing one's inner state was as simple as understanding how you created the state of despair, and then seeing that process as your recipe for depression. If you didn't like the outcome of the recipe, go to another recipe and follow the steps toward contentment.
By Leslie Rouder, LCSW,CHt It has long been known that circus elephants have historically been trained to stay tethered to a post by attaching heavy chains to their legs when they are very young so that when they yank or pull at these chains, they are unable to break free. Within a short amount of time, they give up trying, having learned that it is useless. From that moment on, they no longer need a heavy chain to hold them because anytime they feel any resistance, no matter how heavy or light the chain, they give up trying, having incorporated the
By Leslie Rouder, LCSW,CHt Very often I will hear a parent tell me that his child could not possibly have ADD because he is able to play video games for long hours without being distracted in the least. Or that one’s spouse can watch a football game without ever being distracted.
"Do you think women should email men when online dating?" Without hesitation, I told her "Yes!" Not only is it okay to email men when dating online, it's a useful tactic. Here's why.
You sit silently while you hear those dreaded words “I just don’t think this relationship is going to work.” You know the time for pleas on giving it one more try is gone. There is no need to argue. You feel the certainty and finality of the words. And when you find the strength to stand up, you walk away knowing that you will never be with this person again. The beginning of the end is here. This journey you must walk alone. And it is a painful path.
The issues that prevent a rapid adjustment to life after divorce are emotion-based and, as such, cannot be solved logically. All we can do is dissolve the disruptive energy they cause. For example, you got divorced and it's painful. You cannot "solve" the problem of divorce because, regardless of what you do, you are still divorced. The pain is the problem.
Imagine for a second how simple dating would be if we conducted it like a dog. Stay with me on this while I elaborate ... If we were dogs, this is how we might go about meeting one another. Our masters would take us to a park where we all can play with each other. We could casually run into each other. Then we'd immediately sniff each other (no details needed here about how dogs would do this) – maybe see if we each have good breath. If we have chemistry, then perhaps we can have our master throw the ball so we can play together.