Our beliefs about ourselves in relationship to love determine who we attract. Everyone has a 'story', right? What I mean by that is that everyone has a set of beliefs about themselves and their relationship to everything else (love, money, luck, life, etc). Some stories look like this:
Sabrina wants to know what's up with this “thing” she has going on with James, but it seems too soon to get all serious with him. They've been having a great time together going on dates and chatting online and they've recently started sleeping together too. But, it's complicated.
MapQuesting is an amazing tool to use in getting directions to where you want to go. But, in order to get to that final destination you have to have an exact address of where you are going. The same rules apply in attracting a new mate. You have to to be clear and precise about what kind of mate you want to attract in your life in order to get him.
People describe it in different ways...the point when the honeymoon recedes and reality enters, when the things you found so cute and charming about each other turn into the very things that begin to irritate, when the real work of relating to one another begins. In fact, many therapists recommend waiting for two years before making any decisions about marriage. Why do so many relationships implode or simply peter out at the two year mark?
Your relationship with your 'self' is one of the most critical relationships you'll be in over the course of your life. How you feel, and what you believe to be "true"about your self, your body, your mind and your spirit often translates, like a ripple in a pond, into your collective self image often called your self-esteem. Positive, loving beliefs appear to inspire loving actions and a loving relationship with your self. Similarly, negative, mistaken beliefs often inspire an abusive and a mistrusting relationship with your self.
Online dating is a great way for women 40+ to find & meet men, but for some it's not the way to go. Last week I hosted a workshop called Get Online, Get Noticed, Get Dates, Exclusively for Women over 40. I had a fantastic time with these smart and lovely women who really want to meet their mate. It was a total blast, and they all left excited and feeling like they had the confidence and tools to get online and go for it.
What happens when your child grows up, but doesn't leave? Looking for your empty nest? Time to fly! Junior won’t leave home. In Italy they call kids who never leave home “Momonies.” In Germany it’s “Hotel Mama.” Japan’s “Stay at home adult children” are “Parasite Singles.” The scenario is one we have seen in the movies, with our neighbors and possibly in our home. Junior won’t leave. He has no intention of ever getting his own place. He goes on numerous job interviews that are futile toward securing him a job.
Ladies, know that you don’t “owe” your boyfriend, or any man, anything when it comes to sex, whether it be giving him your virginity, enacting out a fantasy of his, or doing anything else he may request in bed. While I do encourage you to try new things with your guy when you’re comfortable and ready, you have a right to say no to any act you don’t want to perform. Period. A real man will respect that.