"She's always spending, spending spending!" "He's so cheap, I can't stand it anymore!" These are just some of the familiar comments that I hear from my clients when money starts ripping them apart. Let me assure you, by following a few simple rules, you can rule money instead of it ruling your relationship. Rule #1 What out come do you desire?
I went to Costa Rica about two and one-half years ago, with a man I guessed would be my future. The plan was to go for 3 months, write our books, and come back to the US and figure out what to do next. I was to keep an open mind. I kept an open mind about 3 things that were deal-breakers to me. I even had a psychic tell me that those 3 things really would not be important down the road, keep an open mind….
With what is going on in the economy men tend to go inward when they are concerned about their finances or their jobs. They aren’t thinking about dating other than maybe to get laid, which relieves them of the worry for a short time. Even though you’re worried as well, men take it as a jolt against their manhood. It’s not personal because they really can’t see you when their mind is filled with concerns about their future and their financial world.
For me, being connected to others and related to them requires an element of caring. In the past, I have often dismissed the impact I have when make an extra effort to support, encourage or help out. I'm learning to take time these day to acknowledge the difference I make for others.
“Is it just a natural part of getting older together that our sex life is going the way of the Dodo?” asked Brenda and Simon. “We really care for each other, but on the rare times it happens, sex is pretty dull.” Tammy Nelson made quite a stir in 2008 with her book Getting the Sex You Want in which she applied Imago Relationship Therapy to restoring the love lives of couples like Simon and Brenda.
"It's like being back in high school," Kim told me as we buzzed through Philadelphia in her bright blue 1991 Honda with its duct-taped back window and missing stereo. "It's like taking one step backward to take one step forward." She was talking about her return after college to her childhood bedroom and mom and dad in Upper Darby, PA.
I’ve been cleaning out a lot of closets lately, and going through old boxes in the basement. Isn’t it embarrassing all the stuff we accumulate over the years? I found some head phones from the 1980s! Spring is the ideal time for organizing our lives—clearing out the old, decluttering, and trying to make our environment a little more pleasing. I feel more in control of my life when things around me are more in order. Where in our relationships can we use a little spring cleaning? Here are some ideas for spring cleaning your marriage:
Many women ask me why they have to be the one in the relationship to be flexible, be the one to have to stroke the guy’s ego to cultivate change. Women were designed to adapt, it’s the maternal instinct we were born with. It is not easy, but I can almost guarantee you that to experience a shift between a man and woman, the woman almost always has to make the first move in the relational chess game in order to transform the relationship for the better and empower herself. She’s the nurturer, the caretaker, the catalyst for change.
With the best intentions, self-help gurus want their audience to be empowered and feel like they can make changes to improve their life. Since I was given the book, “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay at twenty-three years old, I have been on a path of becoming a better me and to find happiness in the world. Eventually too much inner reflection can come to a point of inner bullying. The part of you that wants to heal transforms into an abuser, frustrated that you will never get it all together.
How much time do you spend trying to figure out whether he really, really loves you? However much, it is too much. Even if our greatest scientists got together and fashioned a foolproof emotional thermometer, one that would tell you exactly how much he loves you, it would still not answer the real questions. Like: will he marry you? Will he honor his commitment to you? Will he be loyal to you for better or for worse?