This guest article from Psych Central was written by Marie Hartwell-Walker, ED.D. After the holidays, Valentine’s Day is next on the horizon. You’re single, lonely, sexually frustrated, and generally blue. The whole world seems to be celebrating love’s special day with chocolate and roses and you’re looking forward to an evening with your cat. A friend sympathizes.
The feeling of heartbreak that often comes with the ending of an important relationship is always painful, but for some people it can be even more difficult around the holidays. There are three main reasons for this: We have memories of past holidays spent with our ex which get triggered We idealize how good it could have been this year based on media images of Martha Stewart holidays We are convinced that everyone else is having that beautiful holiday experience and we the ONLY ones feeling lonely or sad
You hear a lot about the law of attraction, but that is just one law of the universe. There is another law called the Law of Transfiguration. What you believe inside you can persuade others to believe. Sort of like Obi Wan Kenobe in the scene from the movie, Star Wars when he had sent a vibe out to the storm troopers saying, "These are not the Jedi’s you are looking for" and they believed him. You actually have the power to send your dates a subconscious message, "I am the one you are looking for or run like hell I have issues."
The holidays. There’s so much to do! The decorations, the shopping, the tree, the gifts, the gifts, the gifts (thank goodness for Internet shopping), planning the meals, figuring out what to wear to the parties, making up the guest room for relatives…the list goes on. In this run-yourself ragged season, it’s easier than ever to back-burner your sweetie and your relationship. The one thing we are most likely to inadvertently cross off the list when things are super busy is that curl-up-on-the-couch shoot-the-breeze half hour with our partner. Sex? Forget about it.
It's the Christmas season, and at this time of year it's so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of events, parties, presents, cards, and family that sometimes we forget that December is a GREAT month to rekindle love with your spouse. When we're under stress it can be really a blessing to have a spouse that is like a safe haven, and nothing can make home seem warm and wonderful like slowing down and simplifying the holidays.
When Prince William joined the army he split up with Kate Middleton. Undoubtedly, this was an excruciatingly painful challenge for her. A public rejection during which time the William was seen with a number of gorgeous young women. Yet, in an E! interview she reported that the break-up actually made her stronger. What did Kate do when her Prince left her? Did she sulk, whine, or use her very public platform to attack or criticize him? Did she act out in some crazy way? Did she get depressed, blame herself and withdraw socially? No.
Great lessons happen every day, it is up to use to recognize them and use them to raise our consciousness. Sometimes it is easier to see the lesson and other times it is tricky. Putting your foot down and demanding respect or a promise to be held are all ways one solidifies one’s roots and stands one’s ground. I looked really hard for the lesson in an experience with an old boyfriend recently and it took me 2 days to really come to the acknowledgement of what the growth opportunity was for me.
No matter if it’s the first date or you’re in a loving committed relationship. Communication will either take you to the second date or keep you out of divorce court. Statistics show that most married couples report a lack of communication as one of the biggest problems in their relationship. There are many different styles of communication and you should use each one at the appropriate time. For example there are times when less in more. Men love when you sit pretty & listen. A woman that can engage in the conversation at the appropriate time is very sexy.
When Bill and Christy decided to marry, they did so with excitement and uneasiness. Their love for each other was strong, and they had no trouble imagining a lifetime together. At the same time, both of them had come from families where the parents divorced after years of conflict. They knew the stress and grief of love gone wrong. They wanted something better, but they also wondered whether they had it in them to succeed. Were they doomed to repeat the patterns of their past? Was it fair for them to hope for something better?
Until I got my iphone a few years ago, I refused to stand in a line that had more than a few people in it. Now at least I can check my e-mail while I’m waiting, but I’m still impatient with other things. I recently started thinking about some of my past relationships when I realized that my two longest relationships (five years each) required me to be very patient. My first one was with Mr. C when I was living in Milan, Italy. When I met him he had just gotten out of a relationship.