You are fighting with your partner, and they say something you completely disagree with. Well, you can be right, or you can be in a relationship. Does that mean you have to agree with your partner, for the sake of peace? No! There’s another way, and it’s called validation. Validation is so powerful it sits at the heart of Imago Relationship Therapy. Instead of fighting, the Imago dialogue structure slows a conflict down. Instead of reacting immediately to what your partner just said, you would mirror it back, and ask to learn more.
I work with a lot of clients going through major life change, often divorce. I was recently asked in an interview how long it takes to get over that kind of a break up. The traditional psycho-answer is one month for every one year of the relationship. However, I don’t think the standard formula works in a standard way in very many cases. Upon reflection, I realize there are typically two kinds of recovery, the fast recovery, and the recovery that drags on forever, or even worse never really takes hold at all.
Your wife/girlfriend needs a friend When I was in college, I remember having lots of girlfriends. These friends were close to me; we shared each others’ lives, problems and joys. Suddenly, as I got older and married, I began to spend less time with my girlfriends. A recent study conducted by Duke University and the University of Arizona proved that women today have an average of only two close friends, and 24% reported that they had no one they could confide in.
A friend of the Anonymous8 is a single middle age woman who is petite, beautiful, and a go-getter. She has dated a lot. She is interested in a long term relationship, so she is careful who she dates. She has gone out with numerous men, and boy, did she learn something interesting from listening to them. One night she explained that she made a major discovery about men from her new dating life. Now, we are all curious. We wondered what is it that she found out?
In my work with male clients, it still surprises me when I hear the array of horrific “dating don’ts” that are innocently committed by the most beautiful, educated and seemingly “perfect” women. The results are tragic, and I feel quite confident that most of these women have no idea why they are not being asked on date number 2, or are ultimately not pursued after the red flags are hoisted, flown and dominate the
Did you know that spouses sometimes communicate no better than strangers?? According to Science Daily, a professor of psychology at Williams College put together an experiment where two sets of couples sat in chairs with their backs to each other and tried to discern the meaning of each other's ambiguous phrases. “The spouses consistently overestimated their ability to communicate, and did so more with their partners than with strangers.”
Have you ever tried to convince a man to commit by repeatedly talking about it, nagging, whining, threatening, issuing ultimatums, begging, crying and/or arguing? Would that type of behavior make you want to commit? What if I told you there was an easier way to achieve your goal? According to the book, Love Tactics, "It's very possible that a person is growing to love you but is not yet consciously aware of it." So how can you help your guy get in touch with his subconscious feelings?
When you forget to take care of yourself and your own needs in a relationship, you run the risk of falling into sacrifice. Things like giving too much, doing too much, and running your emotional energy dry. To keep your life in balance, the key is to remember that YOU matter in your relationship. Take a few minutes to watch and learn how you can stay out of resentment so your relationship can flourish.
Reason #1: False Hope- In this scenario a woman whoso desperately wants to be in a get married ignores the red flags and behaviors of a man. A woman leads herself into a false sense of reality by telling herself (and others) that things will get better or that her man will change once they are married. This false hope is not based on the woman's reality but is based on her desire to have the man and relationship she desires.
One of the biggest pitfalls I see in dating is that many singles are on a fruitless search for a soul mate. They conjure images in their mind of this amazing prince or princess who sparkles when they walk into the room. Just like the knight in shining armor, this idea of this one special person will rescue you from single-dom is filled with fantasy. Quite often the desire for that one perfect soul mate can lead many women down the wrong path and Mr. Not-So-Princelike.