“Is it just a natural part of getting older together that our sex life is going the way of the Dodo?” asked Brenda and Simon. “We really care for each other, but on the rare times it happens, sex is pretty dull.” Tammy Nelson made quite a stir in 2008 with her book Getting the Sex You Want in which she applied Imago Relationship Therapy to restoring the love lives of couples like Simon and Brenda.
"It's like being back in high school," Kim told me as we buzzed through Philadelphia in her bright blue 1991 Honda with its duct-taped back window and missing stereo. "It's like taking one step backward to take one step forward." She was talking about her return after college to her childhood bedroom and mom and dad in Upper Darby, PA.
I’ve been cleaning out a lot of closets lately, and going through old boxes in the basement. Isn’t it embarrassing all the stuff we accumulate over the years? I found some head phones from the 1980s! Spring is the ideal time for organizing our lives—clearing out the old, decluttering, and trying to make our environment a little more pleasing. I feel more in control of my life when things around me are more in order. Where in our relationships can we use a little spring cleaning? Here are some ideas for spring cleaning your marriage:
Many women ask me why they have to be the one in the relationship to be flexible, be the one to have to stroke the guy’s ego to cultivate change. Women were designed to adapt, it’s the maternal instinct we were born with. It is not easy, but I can almost guarantee you that to experience a shift between a man and woman, the woman almost always has to make the first move in the relational chess game in order to transform the relationship for the better and empower herself. She’s the nurturer, the caretaker, the catalyst for change.
With the best intentions, self-help gurus want their audience to be empowered and feel like they can make changes to improve their life. Since I was given the book, “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay at twenty-three years old, I have been on a path of becoming a better me and to find happiness in the world. Eventually too much inner reflection can come to a point of inner bullying. The part of you that wants to heal transforms into an abuser, frustrated that you will never get it all together.
How much time do you spend trying to figure out whether he really, really loves you? However much, it is too much. Even if our greatest scientists got together and fashioned a foolproof emotional thermometer, one that would tell you exactly how much he loves you, it would still not answer the real questions. Like: will he marry you? Will he honor his commitment to you? Will he be loyal to you for better or for worse?
When did lace ankle socks, white patent leather mary jane’s, a new pastel spring dress, kid gloves, and a new Easter bonnet that complementarily matched your grandma, mom, and sister fade out of style? When did waking up early before the birds as your family got ready for Easter sunrise service go out of style? Why do we wistfully look to kids to bring back the nostalgia of our own childhood, and what each new spring brings to a sleeping world: a chance to begin anew? When is the last time you wore an Easter bonnet?
Most men, in an effort to show their best side and woo a love interest—go above and beyond in their efforts to listen, please, and participate. In the beginning, there are literally no-holds-barred when it comes to romance, cash, and availability. But once they have put in the initial effort and their needs start being met, many men change their behavior and stop putting in the same about of effort—oftentimes providing the bare minimum required.
The quintessential Bad Boy has THE reputation: mysterious, good looking, scruffy, built... and women flock to them. Bad Boys are the reasons that shows like True Blood and books/movies like Twilight have been so popular. With all the perceived negatives about Bad Boys—cocky, arrogant, inconsiderate, inattentive, and emotionally unavailable—what are the real motivators for women to have a one-time or recurring want/desire for a Bad Boy in their life?
Infidelity is not an accident!