There has been a lot of breakup in our extended circle lately, and each one seems to be fitting the same pattern. The “giver” in the relationship keeps giving, and giving in, without standing up for, or taking care of, him or herself. Finally, he snaps, and ends the relationship. The thing bent until it broke. And everyone rallies around the so-called giver saying, “You did everything you could.” I don’t think so.
Those of us who suffered emotional trauma as children (OK, we all did, but at different degrees), developed attachment issues. For the healthier child, mom walks out of the room, child feels a moderate amount of stress, mom reenters, child experiences joy, and child learns that simple separation is OK. For the rest of us, we may become clingy, insecure, avoidant, confused and/or disoriented. We make fundamental decisions at an early age and develop patterns of reaction which we carry into adulthood.
It seems like it should be easy. Man is a social animal. Relationships should be natural. We’ll they’re not, and the sooner you can let go of that, the happier you’ll be. People who work on their relationships, especially when they are extremely difficult, are heroes.
From the moment we’re born, while we are healthy, we take our breath for granted. While we successfully breathe unconsciously our entire lives, bringing consciousness to breath has an extraordinary effect. When we’re upset with our partners (friends, family, co-workers), both psychological and biological things are happening. The fight or flight part of the brain takes over, and that clogs our thinking and can cause us to react in ways we might regret.
In A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose, Eckhart Tolle talks about a world where a critical mass of the population has an elevated conscious. My book, New Earth Relationships, A Guide for Couples in the 21st Century, describes a process for you and your partner to support each other in elevating your respective consciousness.
Life is funny. First, I went to school for what feels like a thousand years to learn about couple and family relationships. Now, I’ve married an amazing man, blended a very happy family, set up a website, opened a clinic and created the life I always wished I had. That doesn’t mean I am always happy. Life still takes focus and purpose – focusing on relationships even when I just want to ignore the problems. One of the things that helps me refocus when I feel as though things are too stressful is to go to work.
I want to provide a path for you to see your partner as someone more wonderful than you’ve experienced before. I am using wonderful in all its strictest interpretations: excellent; great; marvelous; of a sort that causes or arouses wonder; amazing; astonishing. For most of us, it’s difficult to imagine a partner of 20, 10, 5, even 2 years as “astonishing.” How can we be astonished and amazed by someone we’ve known for that long… unless our partner is Oprah, Bill Gates, Bono, Nelson Mandela, someone who is doing amazing things da
Have you ever heard of “spouse poaching”? In today’s hook-up, shack-up, non-committal dating world, it may unfortunately be becoming a kind of desperate, last-ditch strategy for some people who cannot find a partner to marry or who is worth marrying. Let’s back up bit. There have always been some men who seek out married women for no drama, no-strings sex. The website Ashley Madison capitalizes on this. Some men prefer sexual encounters with no emotional attachment, and the taboo thrill of sleeping with another man&rs
In today’s world going to a therapist when your relationship is falling apart is like going to the Shaman or the healer in the old days when we lived in tribes, and the ancient elder held the key to lighting fires, making rain and resolving interpersonal conflicts. Couple's therapy can be stressful. Most of the time you show up in treatment because your relationship is falling apart or one of you is there to drop the other person off on the way out the door.
The swing lifestyle has become more mainstream over the years because it is no longer a dirty little secret that people like to keep in the closet. The swing lifestyle is now out in the open and people are even being honest about it with their friends and family. Keep in mind that swinging and cheating are two different things; people that participate in this kind of open relationship have an agreement with another couple and aren't going behind each other’s back.